Everyone has their own style of online dating. I prefer Tinder because I don’t like to learn too much about a person before I start talking to them. I like forming my own opinions of people through conversation.
As a result, my swiping style tends to be a little bit manic. It is generally based on gut instinct, my mood at the time and half second impressions. I Tinder when I’m bored, when I’m trying to fall asleep, when I need something to do with my hands and I have already read the whole internet that day.
Here are some reasons I have swiped no to human people inside my phone. Some of them make sense. Most of them don’t. C’est la vie.
1. Any item of clothing resembling something Ed Hardy would make. I thought we had moved past that as a society.
2. That can’t be your real name.
3. The bridesmaids dresses in that wedding party picture are particularly unflattering
4. You’re 110? I don’t really date undead warlocks anymore.
5. I love to travel
6. Tiger.
7. You’re Facebook friends with my ex.
8. You’re Facebook friends with too many people from my hometown.
9. You’re Facebook friends with that person I keep forgetting to unfriend.
10. I swear we’ve matched before.
11. Who took this picture of you laying in bed?
12. It is probably not cool to tell him I would prefer to meet the guy standing to his right.
13. Bad headshot.
14. Sorry Paul, I have dated too many Pauls.
15. Cats make my eyes itchy.
16. I’m pretty sure you dated my sister.
17. Your active lifestyle and my burrito lifestyle are conflicting ideologies.
18. You only have one picture of yourself? Come back when you’ve learned to take a selfie.
19. Topless bathroom selfies are not a good look on you (or most people).
20. What’s with the group photos? Which one are you? Am I swiping for all of you?
21. I get the logic behind the picture of you and your grandma, but TWO grandma selfies?! Really?
22. In town for a few days, who wants to show me around? Answer: literally no one.
23. That Snapchat filter only appeared a few days ago.
24. Not a single picture of you with a dog.
25. Not a single picture of you on a boat.
26. Fedora
27. Goatee
28. Tank top
29. Oh shit. He was cute.
