Happy Hogwarts Day! I Have Questions

According to the internet and my personal knowledge, today”September 1”is Hogwarts Day. And that means witches and wizards in the UK (and/or anyone transferring from North America) are now boarding the train and embarking on an adventure, and despite me being a grown-ass woman in her 32nd year (I TURNED 31 THIS WEEK BUY ME THINGS), I care.

In fact, I care so much that I have many questions about the wizarding world and Hogwarts in general. And because there might be a wizard or witch perusing this website on their magical commute, I am going to pose them now. Control your emotions. Discipline your mind.

1. What if you don’t want to go to Hogwarts? I know all of us do, but I switched high schools and many people do and what if you genuinely hate the idea of participating in a culture defined by so much controversy? What if you’d prefer the public school system? What about an art school?

2. Is there not a wizarding arts school? I feel like Luna didn’t really get a chance to shine in a school that values routine and tradition so much.

3. Did everyone apologize to Slytherin for locking them in the dungeons during the Battle of Hogwarts? Because while everybody cheered during that specific moment, we know Slytherin is dope as hell.

4. The Tri-Wizard Cup is actually responsible for the death of a student. They stopped that competition in the nineties, right?

5. Do you think a few of the older professors look back on the “Harry Potter era” and explain their actions with a simple, “It was the nineties”?

6. Do you think Harry, Hermione and Ron often come to terms that the best years of their lives happened when they were teens? I know Cursed Child kind of deals with this, but also it doesn’t (and some of them aren’t eating sugar . . . ?)

7. I’ve never been to or seen a boarding school, but it’s kind of bananas that the students can’t just leave for lunch or weekends without it being a production, right?

8. Is Hogwarts and its corresponding wizarding schools just a hotbed for wizarding propaganda? Like, it’s great to learn how to be a wizard, but what if you would also like to learn about muggle history (but actually) or politics or theology or psychology? Is there a guidance counsellor at Hogwarts because goddmamn, these kids need it.


9. Is Hogwarts the worst? I don’t ask that to disrespect it, but . . . guys, it didn’t seem great. Like, people have died there. Horribly. Like, many people have died at Hogwarts in terrible ways.

10. When you get your letter is that actually like being drafted? What if you get a letter and don’t want to go? Or what if you don’t want your kid to go? Where are the rebellious parents who are like “I’m teaching my kid how to be a wizard/witch at home, thanks.”

11. Am I going to be sought out by the Ministry for writing this list?

12. Does anyone else want to learn a lot more about Voldemort’s past? Because we clearly did not get enough and I’m 99.9% sure the school isn’t teaching that.

13. Yeah, I am for sure going to be sought out by the Ministry.

Happy Hogwarts Day!

Tags: Anne T. Donahue

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