“You there, boy!” I yelled from my bedroom window this morning, fighting against the gale force winds that have come to define our province over the last 48 hours. “What day is this?”
“Why miss, it’s Adele day!” he answered back, before his mother told him to stop talking to strangers immediately.
And so it was.
Yes friends, after years of waiting and waiting and waiting, and then days of singing and singing and singing along to “Hello” (on repeat, thus alienating our friends and family who are foolish enough to dare push against our terrific tastes), 25 is here, and with it, a bevy of emotions.
I mean, comeback albums are hard to navigate — especially if the album in question isn’t exactly a “comeback” and is actually just “Adele’s next album after taking some time off to be a mom.” We’re supposed to feel things and comment on things, and there’s a pressure to really love it without even having taken a proper listen. So to help combat that, here are my seven stages of 25. AKA a way for you to chart the evolution of emotion you will undoubtedly endure over the next few hours/days/weeks. Because I swear, in this moment, we are all 25.
1. Shock and Denial
“No, this can’t be it. This album can’t actually be here. No, I refuse. I refuse to believe this. It’s too much. ‘Hello’ is fine. Let’s just listen to ‘Hello’ a few more times. Because 11 full songs is far too intense, and I will not participate.”
2. Pain and Guilt
“Why wasn’t I vying for new Adele so much until recently? Am I a fair weather fan? And if I am, do I even deserve to listen to 25? Should I cry less because of the songs on the record and more because I know I don’t deserve it? Am I crying right now? Is that why people are looking at me? Or is it because I’m reading this article out loud?”
3. Anger and Bargaining
“How dare she take so long, though? How dare the emotions I’ve repressed for years remain untouched and untapped? Who does she think she is, making me confront the demons of my past through lyrical poetry and beautiful melodies? Okay, fine. FINE. I will listen. I will listen, and if I cry, it’s out of anger for being neglected since ‘Skyfall.’ And I know you’re not supposed to cry at a Bond song, but what the hell else did you expect, Adele?”
4. Depression, Reflection, and Loneliness
“Please leave me alone while I listen to ‘Million Years Ago’ and recount every mistake I’ve ever made.”
5. The Upward Return
“What am I listening to? Oh, Adele’s new album. It’s pretty good. Yeah, just a real solid pop album. Great ballads, you know? Some serious high notes. Have you heard ‘Send My Love’? Yeah, that’s what I’m dancing to in my head instead of concentrating on this conversation I’m having with you right now. Not bad, not bad at all.”
6. Reconstruction and Working Through
“You know . . . the more I listen to it, the more ‘Hello’ really doesn’t apply to my roller coaster relationship with Pizza Hut.”
7. Acceptance and Hope
“Goddamn, Adele has the voice of an angel. The voice of an angel. The voice of a goddamn angel. I can’t wait for her new album. Because she will for sure put out a new album. Like, soon I bet. Adele, you guys. My best friend.”