John Mayer Wants Us to Feel Sorry For Him

Oh John Mayer, it must suck being a Grammy-winning, platinum-selling millionaire.

At least, that’s what he’d have us believe. In the latest issue of Rolling Stone, a picture of shirtless Mayer accompanies the headline, Dirty Mind, Lonely Heart. Ain’t that the truth.

In a total overshare, Mayer comments on everything from his break up with Jennifer Aniston to his erm, alone time.

On Aniston: I’ve never really gotten over it. It was one of the worst times of my life.

Anyone else want to join me in saying a collective boo-friggin’-hoo? Now I love Jennifer Aniston, but if anyone gets to gripe about having their heart broken publicly, it’s her. Perhaps if Mayer had spent less time sporting Borat bikinis and sticking his tongue down Perez Hilton’s throat, things would have ended differently.

On Meeting New Girls: Blowing me off is the new sucking me off!

It must be so hard to be a single stud in Tinsletown. Rich, good-looking and talented? Girls must run for the Hollywood hills! News Flash: chicks don’t dig whiners. If you want girls to stop blowing you off, lighten up! Sheesh.

On, er, Tiger Woods: The phone doesn’t pick up because I’m masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes. If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off.

Hmm. Remember that thing about not being able to meet girls? It probably has a little something to do with statements like this. One word: T.M.I.

I generally like John Mayer. But this latest whoa-is-me interview has left a sour taste in my mouth. If he thinks he has it tough, man, what does that say for people in somewhere like, I don’t know¦Haiti? Somewhere, the world’s smallest violin is playing just for Mayer.

 

After spilling his guts to Rolling Stone, he tweeted: Just read my Rolling Stone cover article. I’m still not sure if I would want to hang out with me.

 

Honestly, John? I’m not sure we would, either.

 

Until the next whisper¦

Tags: Jennifer Aniston, John Mayer, Rolling Stone, Tiger Woods

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