Honestly, these people. THESE PEOPLE, you guys. First, we have Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift sitting on rocks all over the world, and now we have ex-boyfriend Calvin Harris spitting harsh truths via Twitter. And like, look: shit happens in a break-up and everybody usually acts like an idiot at some point or another.
I figure if you’re happy in your new relationship you should focus on that instead of trying to tear your ex bf down for something to do
” Calvin Harris (@CalvinHarris) July 13, 2016
But good GOD: these people are grown-ups.
These people are millionaire, famous, award-winning adults. They have mortgages. If they had kids, it wouldn’t be shocking, it’d be like “Yeah, I mean, the youngest person involved here is 26 and that’s how old my Mom was when she had me, so this is hardly news.” They own cars. They hop on airplanes because they can. Their shoes seem pricey. Everyone is employed. Tom Hiddleston doesn’t even wear jeans he wears slacks, for crying in the sink.
Which means I am very embarrassed for everybody here because they’re acting terrible. Terrible. Absolutely terrible. I didn’t think we could get worse than the I <3 T.S. tank top, but now we’ve got a grown-ass man taking to social-freaking-media to drag his ex — who no, I am not particularly a fan of, but come on, man. Text that shit. Take the high road. Write a tell-all in five years. But now you look weak.
Weak! They all look weak! Weak and embarrassing like the worst love triangle from high school that you somehow knew everything about despite hating everybody involved. And it just keeps going! It won’t stop! This is the real-life equivalent of a haunted amusement park ride in a Goosebumps book that traps everyone there until they die. And it’s not even run by ghosts, it’s run by grown-ass people.
So: a reminder that Taylor Swift, Calvin Harris, and Tom Hiddleston are grown-ups. They are adult humans who are acting like bratty babies. It’s weird and we should all feel weird about it. If we knew people who acted like this in real life, we would avoid them at all costs because they’d make us feel so uncomfortable. If we saw this shit on our Facebook feeds we would mute them only after acquiring enough information to talk some serious shit.
So if you ever feel bad about your life or your choices or how things have gotten a wee dramatic, remember that you are not these people and you are a grown-up who knows when to say when, and if you’re still sitting there thinking, “But Anne, it’s Taylor Swift!” Just search out the #TaylorSwiftIsOver tag and I’m not condoning meanness, but I am condoning how much those tweets made me laugh.