Here’s What I Hope The New Drake Album Is About

Last night, I was tragically not at the eighth annual OVO Fest, but that didn’t stop it from happening anyway. (In all fairness, I told Drake that the show must go on; that his fans are more important than the friendship between us, and I would watch as many Instagram stories as I could and knew that when he performed “Passionfruit” he was doing it for  me.) And it was during said Fest that Aubrey announced the following: a new album is coming, and is being worked upon likely even as you read this.

“I’m going to go back to making this new album in Toronto, just for you,” he said, in front of an actual model of the CN Tower he had built for OVO. And angels wept (tears of joy).

Of course, Drake could be exaggerating. Mainly because he should always be working on a new album because he is a musician and that is how being a professional musician works. (He wants to stay relevant, and that’s how he can cement said relevance.) But I choose to take him at his word. Few exhibit thirst and hunger like Drake, and in celebration of what I can only assume will be his bid for a crown, here is what I hope he writes about:

  • Toronto (because look: Drake rapping about Toronto is like when the lady in Romper Room held up the magic mirror and said our names — we knew she couldn’t see us, but we certainly felt special when she said she saw us)
  • Rihanna (specifically the acknowledgement that he really screwed things up when he presented her with the Michael Jackson Award at the VMAs and somehow made it all about him)
  • Sweatsuits (the man can wear one)
  • Being sensitive (but not in love: I want Drake to use this record to admit that it hurts his feelings when other rappers say things about him — I want him to say, “And that really hurt my feelings.”)
  • That it’s okay to be sensitive (I want an entire song dedicated to it being fine to cry). (I personally do not cry, but I hear that some people do, and they should feel fine about it)
  • Sweatsuits (they’re comfortable)
  • Having an issue with jealousy, but an admission that he’s really trying to get to the root of why (accept that she’s going out and wearing less, Aubrey — you broke up years ago)
  • An inability to commit (to a sports team)
  • Being tired (I want content I can relate to)
  • Being annoyed by most people (see above)
  • How RRSPs work (no one has ever explained it to me in a way I understand or care about)
  • The Eaton Centre (I want to feel cool about shopping there as often as I do — which is often)
  • Cancelling plans (we deserve a verse to recite whenever we back out of dinners/parties/anything)
  • Feeling powerful when he realizes he doesn’t have to do things he doesn’t want to (everyone deserves to know how wonderful it feels not to have to say “yes” to everything)
  • A few more family restaurants (because The Cheesecake Factory has lost its lustre)
  • True crime (WHO WAS THE ZODIAC KILLER? I bet Drake could get to the bottom of that)
  • Donald Trump (just kidding, I would rather die)
  • Milton (they’re so close to Toronto and Mississauga — they’ve got to feel left out by now)
  • Not wanting to work on the album (relatable)
  • Just wanting to nap (relatable)
  • Sending follow-up emails (relatable)
  • Why every TV show is rebooting and reviving (it’s annoying, and I hate it)
  • Shoes (a defence of loafers)
  • Me (our friendship is important and it’s time the world finally knew)

Thank you.

Tags: Anne T. Donahue, topstory

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