Similar to when we spoke about bridal etiquette, sometimes there are a few things your bridesmaids would like you to know, but don’t know how to tell you. We’ve all heard bridezilla horror stories about friendships that didn’t even last to when the bride and groom got back from their honeymoon, and nobody wants to lose friends over a day that is supposed to promote eternal love (even if it is for your husband-to-be). After chatting with some past ‘maids, here are some of the things you should keep in mind in order to keep your friends.
Yes, it’s a lot of money (but, no, we’re not going to say anything)
If you’re a woman in your twenties, you’ve likely learned that life is friggin expensive. Between debt repayment, feeding and housing yourself, day-to-day purchases and even maybe saving for stuff, money is a hot commodity. If you’ve ever had to endure more than two or three weddings in a summer, you know what it’s like to have to shell out cash for another person’s life choices, but you do it because it’s right and you care about these people. If you’ve ever been a bridesmaid before, you know how expensive it can be to stand beside your friend on her big day, so please, please, keep this in mind when you start demanding they pay for unnecessary things like updos and makeup when you know they’re actually pretty good at nailing down a smokey cat-eye look. If you have it in your budget to help them out with things like paying for bridesmaid dresses, beauty services or even their hotel room the night of the wedding, do it. They likely won’t start complaining about the money (at least not to your face) until you decide you want your bachelorette party to be in Vegas and no, you don’t want to pay for it. Just try not to let it get to that point. On the topic of demanding things…
Be decisive (but not demanding)
Contrary to the unsolicited opinions you will no doubt be offered, it is actually your day, so it’s important that it look the way you want it to. In order to do that, you need to make some decisions that you won’t want to make. Case in point: I went shopping with my ‘maids this past weekend to look for bridesmaid dresses and my crew was split down the middle between two styles. Because I was so hung up on everyone being as comfortable as humanly possible, I didn’t want to be the swing vote, but at the end of the day, it’s my wedding and that’s part of the planning process. Thankfully, I have THE MOST KICKASS GROUP OF GIRLS (EVER) and they were all happy with my choice, likely because I didn’t force anything on anyone. When we went shopping, I gave my colour and length specifications and let them choose their options (it just so happens four is a terrible number of people to have when voting for things).
Be appreciative often
This should go without saying, but thanking your girls is an absolute must. It’s a two-way honour system for them to be there by your side, but it’s important that, especially if they’re paying for things or helping you out with wedding-related projects, you’d damn well better be appreciative. Not sure how to do it? Well, a thank-you gift for the wedding is always a good place to start, but leading up to the wedding, make sure you say your thanks frequently and show them whenever you can. If you’re having them over to help stuff all of your invitations, cook or order dinner and pour some bubbly to make it fancy. Treat them to get their nails done for the wedding and always be sure to give them a hand-written note at the end of this whole ordeal. And, my goodness, if you forget to thank them in your speech, don’t even bother calling them when you get back from your honeymoon because I can almost guarantee they won’t pick up.
The Wedding Planner is an ongoing series where we give you some real-life wedding planning advice, from finding the dress to dealing with that ever-growing guest list, over the next few months as we figure it out ourselves.
