By Danielle Graham
Confession: I don’t really like playing with my kids.
Of all the things that have surprised me about motherhood (and believe me, that list could stretch around the globe 40 times), this one caught me particularly off guard. Now, I don’t mean all playing. I’m talking specifically about getting down on the floor, playing make-believe, doing voices, inventing elaborate scenarios for little plastic people. I find it excruciating.
For a long time, I felt bad about it. Like somehow it made me a lesser-than Mom. I didn’t even want to admit it out loud because I was worried I’d be judged like those Oreo Moms. (For the record, I fully support and stand by the Oreo in the lunch.)
But eventually I realized something: my kids don’t need me to love every kind of play. They need me to actually enjoy spending time with them. And forcing myself to participate in something I genuinely don’t enjoy isn’t necessarily the best way for us to connect.
So, I stopped forcing it. I focused instead on the things I actually love doing with my kids and left the floor-play to their Dad or to each other.
I peaced-out with peace because I’d found other things. Turns out, there are plenty of ways for us to connect that don’t involve me pretending to be a talking unicorn.
Family dinners:
During the week, for many years we fed the kids and then ate our dinner afterwards because of schedules and bedtimes and all that jazz. Then one day my eldest daughter, Beatrix, said she’d like to have dinners together every day. She said she really liked sitting together at the table and talking. So, I decided to get them involved in the process and make it a chance to do something together. The girls help with some prep, they set the table, they vote for meals they’d like each week, they clear the table and load the dishwasher (that I eventually re-load), we sometimes grocery shop together, and whenever possible, we make it a point to eat together. It’s kind of a 2-for-1 deal. We get a task done, and we do it together.
Rose, Bud, Thorn:
This has become a family favourite that we typically do at dinnertime or before bed, or sometimes just in the car. We go around and ask each other for our Rose (best part of the day), Thorn (not best part of the day) and Bud (something we’re looking forward to). I’m often so surprised by the answers. It gives me insights into their little worlds that might otherwise not happen. I get to learn about friendships and classroom dynamics and the things that occupy their minds. It’s also practice in gratitude and perspective and being present. And it gives me a chance to pull some threads and ask follow-up questions. It’s become one of my favourite things we do as a family.
Dessert sleeps:
This has quickly become a weekend family tradition. On Saturdays and Sundays, the kids wake up and come into our bed for what we call a “dessert sleep” – a little extra rest and cuddle all together. Sometimes they fall asleep again; sometimes it’s just a snuggle, but it’s the closeness I’ve realized is what we love about it. I find that with kids, if you brand something or give it a name, it feels extra special. It’s also a genius hack for getting a chance to lie in bed a little longer on the weekends.
Physical activity:
Outdoors is where we thrive as a family and where I think we feel the most connected. Randall has a rule in the summer that the kids don’t know about: anytime the kids ask him to go for a swim, he says yes, even if he really doesn’t want to. I have the same rule about tobogganing. I flippin’ love it and so do my kids, so anytime they ask, I’m always game. We also take the girls on hikes, family kayak adventures, and sometimes Randall and the kids will do push-up challenges to burn off energy. The best part is that none of this feels like something I’m doing just for the kids. I’m having just as much fun as they are.
Special family days:
This one I can take no credit for; this was all my daughter Bea’s idea. She asked if we could have a family competition day and called it The Graham Cup – she even made a trophy! She and her sister came up with a series of events to play throughout the day. The last Graham Cup included: Frisbee Golf, Nintendo Bowling, Uno, Lawn Darts, Pictionary and President. We’re a pretty competitive family, so an entire day of trying to beat each other at various activities was right up our alley. The fact that Bea dreamed it all up made it even better.
So if you hate playing on the floor too, just a reminder that being a good Mom doesn’t mean loving everything your kids love doing. There are plenty of ways to connect, and finding the ones that work for you can make your time together so much more enjoyable! If you have any other suggestions, I’d love to hear them!
Big love,
Danielle
For more from Danielle, explore her HERE’S THE THING column on 29Secrets—where she dives into beauty trends, relationship moments, and the real-life conversations we’re all having right now.
