The Halloween countdown is on, and if memory serves me correctly, you should be gearing up for October 31st festivities. But before you jump on the sexy-such-and-such bandwagon, here’s our list of the 10 worst costumes so you can avoid falling into the Halloween death pit.
1. Sexy anything
It’s time to move on, everyone. Unless you’re ready to go as a sexy chicken wing or a sexy first edition of War and Peace (I saw that somewhere on the internet), the sexy shtick has been played out. I mean, even the sexiest of cowboys wear pants in real life — and the sexiest of firefighters certainly do.
2. Ryan Gosling in Drive
We all toyed with buying the jacket, and some of us actually did. But despite the temptation to revisit the scorpion, the Drive character must be tucked away. (Unless you’re just wearing that jacket for fashion’s sake, and in that case, can I borrow it?)
It may be the series’ last season, but that does not mean anyone can go down the self-tanning rabbit hole. Even Snooki’s moved on! So unless you plan on dressing like an adult and holding a baby, leave phrases like cabs are here! in the past (where they belong and should stay).
4. Anything anatomical
It never works, you guys. It just never works.
5. Ted (from TED)
As cute (nope) as Ted may be, when faced with a life sized stuff animal on Halloween night, it becomes a lot less endearing to hear various politically incorrect phrases being said to and around you. Avoid the temptation, and opt for somebody from The Master instead. (Just not Joaquin.)
6. Honey Boo Boo and/or June
And this is where we get controversial. While some of us genuinely like Honey Boo Boo (hi everyone), there’s still no way to carry this off without being insensitive. That, and it will be EVERYWHERE. Dare to be different, friends: choose another toddler in a tiara.
7. Lindsay Lohan
There’s a time to poke fun, and there’s a time just to hope someone gets help. We’ve arrived at the latter. Nothing to see here, everybody; keep moving. (Even you, those hoping to dress up like Amanda Bynes.)
8. Anything 50 Shades Of Grey
Listen. 50 Shades Of Grey isn’t going to go anywhere if we pay homage to it in any capacity, and we will be stuck with it for an eternity. So that being siad, ANY OTHER COSTUME, you guys. Even Ted. Even . . . Twilight. (No. Wait. I take it back. I TAKE IT BACK.)
9. The punk band, Pussy Riot
You wouldn’t think I’d have to say it, but it’s appeared on more than one trendy Halloween costume list, so here we are. Thus, please do not dress like any of the members of Pussy Riot. Not unless you’re in Pussy Riot or attending a protest to free Pussy Riot or involving yourself in any number of causes that require you to dress the way they do. That is, unless you’re so well versed in the cause that you’re dressing like them in solidarity (and on a regular basis). And then you’re still in need of a costume.
KIDDING. Dressing like Catwoman is completely acceptable provided you do exactly what Gretchen Wieners did in Mean Girls. Otherwise? Bane. You have to dress up like Bane.