All of us have made horrible fashion decisions. And you know what? Thank goodness. Odds are, we were trying to wear things that didn’t reflect us or didn’t feel right or we wore because we saw somebody else wearing it/them/whatever, so these moments are huge in figuring out the kind of person you are and how you want to present yourself. Frankly, figuring out what you don’t like is as important as figuring out what you do, so to help make your own fashion mishaps seem less tragic, here are a few of mine.
1. What: Pleather and polyester
Lesson learned: If somebody tells you to dress differently, tell him or her where to go.
When grade 11 rolled around, I went through a phase of wanting to be popular more than anything in the world. So that’s why when two of the coolest girls in school told me to start dressing sexy or risk losing their friendship, I did. Which was a mistake. Not only were polyester halter-tops unflattering and uncomfortable, the pleather pants did not get the reaction I was going for. So when I made the transition into sexy gear (oh, by the way, I was wearing pleather long before these girls talked to me), I opted for crop tops and super low-rise pants, which were unflattering and even more uncomfortable. Not cool, and also not me. Which is where I should have just walked away. However, I neeed to experience lesson number two.
2. What: Overly baggy, giant clothes
Lesson learned: Don’t let anyone tell you what you’re entitled to wear.
So after the sexify mission of grade 11, I rebelled. I rebelled by dressing like a skater girl despite not skating, and hung out in baggy sweatshirts, Dickie’s pants and boys’ shoes. Here was the problem (aside from me being completely lost in a lot of fabric): the skaters I hung out with were so hung up on who was worthy of wearing what, that I felt like I couldn’t dress the way I wanted to anymore, so I stopped. Just like that. So while I wouldn’t wear what I wore now (because I tend to look very disproportional if wearing anything baggy at all), I would wear even bigger hoodies just to show those guys that I, like Willow Smith, whip my hair back and forth.
3. What: The all-denim suit
Lesson learned: Do not wear an all-denim suit
Since the skater incident of 2002, I’ve learned important lessons like:
– Henleys from various Generic Bird stores do not work on anyone other than those who resemble mannequins (especially if said henleys basically see-through)
– Graphic t-shirts don’t always have to have a brand’s logo across the front
– Some hoodies make you look like a cardboard box; wear hoodies that do not do that
– High pants are a blessing
– As long as they’re not high and baggy, which will instead look a fast food uniform
However, the biggest lesson I have to offer is this: if there is a shiny denim suit on sale at a huge chain, avoid it. Despite how the trench coat will call you (because of it’s $1.75 discounted price tag), and the jeans will fit okay I guess, leave it behind. Because while you think you look like a businesswoman, you will look insane. Or at least that’s what I gathered from the waitress’ weird look at the diner when I asked for a businesswoman special. (But in all fairness, maybe she just didn’t see Romy & Michele.)