Steamy Subject: Sex on the First Date

Whether you plan it or not, sometimes first dates end with a “good morning” instead of a “good night.” But how do you know if it’s the right move?

First off, there are two rules to first date trysts that you should always follow: practice safe sex and DON’T drink too much (boozing can cause you to make impaired judgments that you might later regret.)

Other things to consider:

How well do you know your date?

Is your dinner companion a friend-of-a-friend or Mr. Mystery Man from an online dating site?

If you’re with someone you know and share a social circle with, you might feel more comfortable getting down after just one date. Just remember, if the first date doesn’t lead to a second, you will still have to encounter that person in social situations, so keep it respectful for the sake of your mutual friends and colleagues. 

And if you’re getting friendly with Mr. Mystery Man, of course it might be tempting to have dessert at home. ALWAYS keep your personal safety in mind, especially with a stranger: you don’t know him and he’s not accountable in the same way as a dude you share a social network with. But if you do decide to sleep with him, there is an upside of hooking up with a virtual stranger: If it’s awkward, you don’t need to see him again.

Do you both want to do it?

You should never have sex because you feel it’s expected, and the same goes for the person you’re with. If things seem like they’re getting a little hot and heavy, stop for a minute to talk about what each of you expects from the fooling around. Not willing to commit to the whole nine yards that first date? State your position and stick to it — if you started out the night with the intention of keeping the first date just flirty and fun, there’s a real chance you’ll be kicking yourself in the pants (once you find them) if you don’t follow through with your intentions.


What do you expect from hooking up?

If you think first date sex is a shortcut to the wedding chapel, slow down. Don’t assume that hooking up after a single night of cocktails and conversations will automatically lead to a relationship. You have to consider that there may not be a second date, even after getting down. Don’t blame it on the sex, though — lots of first dates don’t lead to a second, even with nooky out of the picture.

What will you do if the sex is bad?

The number one thing that makes sex good for both parties is a level of comfort and ease — which is often the missing link when two people don’t know each other that well. There’s no such thing as good sex all the time, and while we all hope for mindblowing sex the first time we’re with a new partner, often it can be a little lackluster and awkward. If you think bad sex on the first date will leave you reluctant to have a second, respect yourself and your date — wait until you know one another better and are willing to get in some practice. 

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Tags: 1st date, dating tips, first date, first date sex, hook-up, hookups, online dating, second date, sex

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Comments

  1. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    If your relationship is so great…why did it take you six whole years to get engaged?
    Guys don’t like to buy the cow when they’re getting the milk for free. At least it’ll take them a long time to do so.
  2. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    If your relationship is so great…why did it take you six whole years to get engaged?
    Guys don’t like to buy the cow when they’re getting the milk for free. At least it’ll take them a long time to do so.
  3. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Your comments is on that rings the bell of truth and not only have i heard it but it touched me. Not only does preserve the dignity of both potential partners, its exciting to see where the tension and arousal leads. Who knows, Even with lust as the original intent, Love creeps along with the wait. (personal experience) i was madly in lust with her. To this day my veins rush with blood thinking about her physique and i recognized in her eyes that she was more into it than i was, yet she had the courage to kill the buzz. we formed a relationship and I broke up over really petty, flaky things. (jealousy, Clingy, some thing of that sort,) anyway. aside all that. i really do agree with you. though im not sure about no damn 3 months.
  4. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I’m sorry ladies but I can be the first to say that it doesn’t matter when you have sex with the guy. I’ve been with the same guy for 6 years and we recently got engaged. We slept together the very first night we met and have been together since. My only recommendation would be to use protection regardless of the connection.
  5. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    You Idiot!!!!!!!!!!! Another persons DNA can not become part of you no matter how fluid has been transferred!.
  6. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Your comments is on that rings the bell of truth and not only have i heard it but it touched me. Not only does preserve the dignity of both potential partners, its exciting to see where the tension and arousal leads. Who knows, Even with lust as the original intent, Love creeps along with the wait. (personal experience) i was madly in lust with her. To this day my veins rush with blood thinking about her physique and i recognized in her eyes that she was more into it than i was, yet she had the courage to kill the buzz. we formed a relationship and I broke up over really petty, flaky things. (jealousy, Clingy, some thing of that sort,) anyway. aside all that. i really do agree with you. though im not sure about no damn 3 months.
  7. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I’m sorry ladies but I can be the first to say that it doesn’t matter when you have sex with the guy. I’ve been with the same guy for 6 years and we recently got engaged. We slept together the very first night we met and have been together since. My only recommendation would be to use protection regardless of the connection.
  8. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    You Idiot!!!!!!!!!!! Another persons DNA can not become part of you no matter how fluid has been transferred!.
  9. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Sex on the first date is never a good idea. The downside is STD’s, heartbreak or an instant relationship that you probably don’t want. Being a guy I know it’s tough but I’d much rather wait to get to know the person. I “lucked” into an instant relationship after first date sex once and I totally regretted it afterward. If I’d just backed off I could have graciously backed out without any feelings getting hurt.
  10. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I agree with most of the posts, however the truth is ladies that if I have sex on the first date with a woman or the second or third date. depending on how you and that person jive, or for a better term the chemistry between you two; the sex can be a one shot or can lead to a long term relationship reality.
    There are times that after a guy has waited for 6 months and you two finally have sex he never calls you back and you never see him again, sometimes it’s after the first date sometimes after 3, 6 or one year of dating.
    Truth is men are patient hunters and we will wait for wnat we really want be it sex or relationship. the point is if you are of interest to him and not just for the sex he will stick around first date or not.
    Sex can make a relationship, it can also destroy one as well!
    The only thing I can suggest is if you are going to have sex, make sure you are mature enough to handle the aftermath, be it bad or good. I would also suggest that you are both agreed to the terms of your engagement, ladies never let a man pressure you into something you don’t want to do.
    Be honest with yourslf and him, this will go a long way
  11. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Here is to the girls that don’t
    Here is to the girls that do
    The girl I will drink to
    In the wee small hours of the morn
    Till my dying day
    Is the girl who says
    I haven’t yet but just for you I might
  12. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    You have nailed it!! If you give it up on the 1st or 2nd or even 3rd date…the guy is only into you for sex (only if it was good)….he doesn’t respect you and even though his ego makes him think he is so awesome that you gave it up to him so quickly and not to other guys…..he’s really thinking that you’re a ho and he will never respect you as a person! Sure…he’ll keep coming back, but it’s not for you…just the sex!
    So many people disrespect themselves and their bodies these days! A little self control can go a long way if you’re looking for a relationship! If you’re just looking for sex…don’t come crying to me that you’re pregnant or caught a disease or you were forced to do something you didn’t want to?! And yes…you can still catch things if you use a condom!!!!!
    One last thing….everyone now a days are having alot of multiple partners…ever wonder why there’s so many screwed up people around (depression, bipolar, etc)…well it’s because each time we hook up with someone, we leave a little piece of ourselves with them and visa versa, our souls intertwine and so does our DNA…pretty soon after many partners…we’re not us anymore and we get confused and we become someone we’re not! You can take that to the bank!!!!
  13. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    We had a 24 yr old move into our basement apartment. Talk about Hottie!! I’m in my mid thirties and believe me if I wasn’t married I don’t know if I could of talked myself out of not jumping into bed with him. He was sexual, handsome and I could tell would be really fun in bed.
    Over a few months, I could see what he was really like. I later learned he was a player towards sex. He had been with over 200 women and had a rule never have sex twice. I saw several girls get their hearts broke, and him laugh at it after he hung up the phone. He intentionally would feed these women up to have sex with them, then drop them the next day.
    He also would start by having protected sex then he claims he has to take off the protection as it hurts etc.
    He says he is clear, really this is how STD are spread.
    Women after meeting a player, I would not suggest sex on the first night and if he pushes for it, move on. Only go on dates in public areas where he can’t take you to his room, your room etc.
  14. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I believe that sex is natural and even if you “give it up” on the first or second or whatever date, if a guy is interested he will still pursue. After all, guys do it all the time so why should women get a name and not men. I love sex so why not do it just as much.l
  15. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Who knows though? You might actually last long with the person.
    Before my boyfriend and I went on our first date, we only hung out maybe twice with a big group of people. We barely even spoke to each other.
    One day, I decided to ask him to hang out. And so we did. We went on a double-date with his brother and my best friend.
    We went to a club and had a LOT to drink! After the club, we went back to their place and I ended up having sex with him.
    I did it honestly because we started kissing and he got me “in the mood”. Also because I’ve been attracted to him physically and emotionally since the day I laid my eyes on him.
    Anyways, we’ve been together for 6 months now and our relationship is still so amazing.
    ‘though, my best friend and my boyfriend’s brother did the exact same thing but… He would only call her at times that he was “feeling lonely” or as he would say… he “misses her”. And being a girl, she believed him. Truth is… he only missed the sex. He still calls her to this very day… and it has been about 5 months since our double-date. Luckily my best friend caught on and realized that he only wanted one thing from her.
    So… My point is.. Sex on the First date can be both good and bad!
    But in all honesty, I think people should wait a while before having sex with someone they barely even know.
  16. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I am afraid that I agree. Then’s there’s always the question that maybe he just called you back because the sex was good and you were an easy conquest and he’s between relationships. Who knows. Why risk it – if you liked him, play it harder to get. Guys are wired to enjoy the chase. It’s a biological reality – so give them something to chase . . . at least longer than dessert on the first date. Why are we confusing a whole new generation into thinking that promiscuous sex is OK? If you have to kiss a million frogs to find a prince . . . and we often do, that’s a LOT of sex we have because we think it’s okay if we “feel” like it . . .and that’s the definition of promiscuous. STD’s are not picky either.
  17. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I think drinking is often the cause of this situation in the first place.
  18. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    If you’re over 18 and even just semi-coherent in any way shape or form…there should be no reason why you have an excuse to display such a total lack of self-control, lack of wisdom and lack of self-respect as having sex on a first date. I wouldn’t even have sex after 3 months! Women need to offer more mystery and more dignity to a man – that’s one reason why guys just jerk us around.
  19. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Sex on the first date is never a good idea. The downside is STD’s, heartbreak or an instant relationship that you probably don’t want. Being a guy I know it’s tough but I’d much rather wait to get to know the person. I “lucked” into an instant relationship after first date sex once and I totally regretted it afterward. If I’d just backed off I could have graciously backed out without any feelings getting hurt.
  20. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I agree with most of the posts, however the truth is ladies that if I have sex on the first date with a woman or the second or third date. depending on how you and that person jive, or for a better term the chemistry between you two; the sex can be a one shot or can lead to a long term relationship reality.
    There are times that after a guy has waited for 6 months and you two finally have sex he never calls you back and you never see him again, sometimes it’s after the first date sometimes after 3, 6 or one year of dating.
    Truth is men are patient hunters and we will wait for wnat we really want be it sex or relationship. the point is if you are of interest to him and not just for the sex he will stick around first date or not.
    Sex can make a relationship, it can also destroy one as well!
    The only thing I can suggest is if you are going to have sex, make sure you are mature enough to handle the aftermath, be it bad or good. I would also suggest that you are both agreed to the terms of your engagement, ladies never let a man pressure you into something you don’t want to do.
    Be honest with yourslf and him, this will go a long way
  21. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Here is to the girls that don’t
    Here is to the girls that do
    The girl I will drink to
    In the wee small hours of the morn
    Till my dying day
    Is the girl who says
    I haven’t yet but just for you I might
  22. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    You have nailed it!! If you give it up on the 1st or 2nd or even 3rd date…the guy is only into you for sex (only if it was good)….he doesn’t respect you and even though his ego makes him think he is so awesome that you gave it up to him so quickly and not to other guys…..he’s really thinking that you’re a ho and he will never respect you as a person! Sure…he’ll keep coming back, but it’s not for you…just the sex!
    So many people disrespect themselves and their bodies these days! A little self control can go a long way if you’re looking for a relationship! If you’re just looking for sex…don’t come crying to me that you’re pregnant or caught a disease or you were forced to do something you didn’t want to?! And yes…you can still catch things if you use a condom!!!!!
    One last thing….everyone now a days are having alot of multiple partners…ever wonder why there’s so many screwed up people around (depression, bipolar, etc)…well it’s because each time we hook up with someone, we leave a little piece of ourselves with them and visa versa, our souls intertwine and so does our DNA…pretty soon after many partners…we’re not us anymore and we get confused and we become someone we’re not! You can take that to the bank!!!!
  23. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    We had a 24 yr old move into our basement apartment. Talk about Hottie!! I’m in my mid thirties and believe me if I wasn’t married I don’t know if I could of talked myself out of not jumping into bed with him. He was sexual, handsome and I could tell would be really fun in bed.
    Over a few months, I could see what he was really like. I later learned he was a player towards sex. He had been with over 200 women and had a rule never have sex twice. I saw several girls get their hearts broke, and him laugh at it after he hung up the phone. He intentionally would feed these women up to have sex with them, then drop them the next day.
    He also would start by having protected sex then he claims he has to take off the protection as it hurts etc.
    He says he is clear, really this is how STD are spread.
    Women after meeting a player, I would not suggest sex on the first night and if he pushes for it, move on. Only go on dates in public areas where he can’t take you to his room, your room etc.
  24. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I believe that sex is natural and even if you “give it up” on the first or second or whatever date, if a guy is interested he will still pursue. After all, guys do it all the time so why should women get a name and not men. I love sex so why not do it just as much.l
  25. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    Who knows though? You might actually last long with the person.
    Before my boyfriend and I went on our first date, we only hung out maybe twice with a big group of people. We barely even spoke to each other.
    One day, I decided to ask him to hang out. And so we did. We went on a double-date with his brother and my best friend.
    We went to a club and had a LOT to drink! After the club, we went back to their place and I ended up having sex with him.
    I did it honestly because we started kissing and he got me “in the mood”. Also because I’ve been attracted to him physically and emotionally since the day I laid my eyes on him.
    Anyways, we’ve been together for 6 months now and our relationship is still so amazing.
    ‘though, my best friend and my boyfriend’s brother did the exact same thing but… He would only call her at times that he was “feeling lonely” or as he would say… he “misses her”. And being a girl, she believed him. Truth is… he only missed the sex. He still calls her to this very day… and it has been about 5 months since our double-date. Luckily my best friend caught on and realized that he only wanted one thing from her.
    So… My point is.. Sex on the First date can be both good and bad!
    But in all honesty, I think people should wait a while before having sex with someone they barely even know.
  26. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I am afraid that I agree. Then’s there’s always the question that maybe he just called you back because the sex was good and you were an easy conquest and he’s between relationships. Who knows. Why risk it – if you liked him, play it harder to get. Guys are wired to enjoy the chase. It’s a biological reality – so give them something to chase . . . at least longer than dessert on the first date. Why are we confusing a whole new generation into thinking that promiscuous sex is OK? If you have to kiss a million frogs to find a prince . . . and we often do, that’s a LOT of sex we have because we think it’s okay if we “feel” like it . . .and that’s the definition of promiscuous. STD’s are not picky either.
  27. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    I think drinking is often the cause of this situation in the first place.
  28. Avatar
    • Anonymous
    • January 1, 1970
    Reply
    If you’re over 18 and even just semi-coherent in any way shape or form…there should be no reason why you have an excuse to display such a total lack of self-control, lack of wisdom and lack of self-respect as having sex on a first date. I wouldn’t even have sex after 3 months! Women need to offer more mystery and more dignity to a man – that’s one reason why guys just jerk us around.

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