The Proper Way To Break-Up

Just as there is no formula to falling in love, there is no correct way to break-up. But are there more proper ways to end a relationship? Is the slow fade out kinder than honest confrontation? I have been the fader, and the faded, but what is the best approach when feelings are at stake?

xoJane discussed the phenomenon of the slow fade break-up – which is ultimately ending a brief series of dates by gradually talking to the individual less and less, until you stop talking all together. The author suggests that slowly fading out is “cowardly…and dishonest”. Is this the case? Do you deserve to give closure to a short romantic dalliance? Does ending things more formally prove to be more mature and kind?

Slate defends the slow fade as a kinder way to resolve a short-lived relationship. The idea that a direct message or a formal note is required to mark the end of a relationship seems a bit obtuse in the digital age. When it is so easy to communicate with someone you’re interested in- text, call, email, Facebook and more, if you’re texting and initiating all the time and you don’t hear back, he’s just not that into you!

There are great arguments for the fade-out and the confrontation. But when it comes to ending a personal relationship, it’s ultimately a nuanced choice. There is no right and wrong way, but there should be sensitivity and consideration given to the person you’ve been seeing. The proper way to end things lies somewhere in between fading and communicating honestly. Depending on the persistence of the other party, you should determine whether or not a slow-fade is enough to conclude your time together. Should the individually continually reach out even after a series of “sorry, I’m busy” or non-responses, then it might be time to be honest and confront with a simple and gentle “thanks, but no thanks” (in nicer words of course). But before you launch into an “it’s not you, it’s me” speech, think about this- compatibility is a funny thing, you can’t explain it. So if he (or she) needs the reassurance or some explanation, then take the high road and do so, in the most general terms of course. But if not, fade out and carry on-because in it’s own way being vague is equally kind.

Tags: break up, Breaking up, confrontation, Dating, ending a relationship, proper break up etiquette, slow fade

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