So, we’re all adults here – we know that fun, safe, and mutually fulfilling sex starts with an open dialogue. But no matter how mature / confident / close you and your partner are, talking about sex isn't always the easiest thing to do. Sometimes, it's easier done than said. Here are some sweat-free pointers for talking about sex with constructive results
Hold your pleasure as a top priority
Your pleasure / comfort / safety is tops. Adopt the attitude that you'll do whatever you can to achieve it. If you take it seriously, your partner will too. They want you to make sure you do what you need to do to have a good time, just as you want them to.
Talk about it while you’re doing it
Rather than talking about it outside the bedroom (think: fully clothed, over the dinner table), talking about sex while you're doing it allows you to make a more direct change. Some maintain that creating verbal boundaries during sex is hot. Tiger Beatdown blogger Sady Doyle puts it this way: “you’re already naked in front of this person, expressing a desire to touch their underpants region. Why should saying stuff about that be more embarrassing for more vulnerable?” Sex is a creative act. In-the-moment-communication helps you create something better, together.
If something doesn’t feel good, approach the situation positively
Nothing puts a damper on things like blurting out “stop that now!” Instead, focus on the positive. Tell your partner, instead, "what you really want them to do to you right now," based on things they’ve done before that you liked. Helpful sexual feedback is specific, honest, and encouraging. Affirming what they're doing right is just as helpful as telling them what you don’t like.
How you say it is as important as what you say
If you present your sexual desires / worries / newly discovered kinks as if they're a potential deal breaker, your partner will be more likely hear them as such. Bring up the topic in a way you'd like it to be received. Where / when ever you decide to bring it up, talk about sex in a way that matches your regular communication style. Be open and honest, and remember your conversation about sex isn't a once in a lifetime conversation. It can be an ongoing one.
