By Anne T. Donahue
Wednesday afternoon brought a welcome reprieve from the Healy/Swift discourse and delivered news we once thought impossible: Kim Cattrall is coming back to Sex and the City.
I mean, let’s all take a breath for a second. To start, she’s returning for a one-scene cameo in the upcoming season of And Just Like That, and reports claim she shot her scene alone and without interacting with the rest of the cast. But you know what? I’ll take it. I will take these pathetic breadcrumbs because Samantha Jones was one of the biggest reasons to watch SATC, and no one alive on this planet can say “Honey . . .” in the same voice she can.
So I figured I’d use this use to do what I tend to do best: speculate and get my own hopes up. Here’s how I hope we see Samantha return, even if she’s all alone, screaming in a London phonebooth about how the second movie never happened.
We see Samantha screaming in a London phonebooth about how the second movie never happened
Imagine? “It was all a dream, Carrie! A nightmare! Goddamn it, get it through your mind! We’ve never travelled together outside of Los Angeles, Mexico, or Atlantic City! I would never be part of such a disgrace!” (A girl can dream.)
We see Samantha dining with Prince Harry
And there, she tells him that she’s sorry, but there’s no way she can handle his PR because he is far too messy.
We see Samantha dining with Prince Charles
Just kidding, that would never happen, she’s above him.
We see Samantha deliver a direct-to-camera monologue in the spirit of Sex and the City’s first season
There, she explains that she didn’t abandon Carrie in the wake of not being appointed to handle Carrie’s PR for her last book. She begins: “Honey, if I had to leave town every time Carrie made something about herself, I would’ve started the series in London.” She sips her cosmopolitan, and kisses Joe Alwyn on the. mouth.
We see Samantha vetting potential James Bond stars
She rolls her eyes at Taron Egerton. Nods approvingly at Aaron Taylor-Johnson. She’s on the receiving end of a wink from Richard Madden. She makes a point of stirring her martini, daring these wannabes to challenge her.
We see Samantha hanging out with Paddington
That’s it. They’re just hanging out. Maybe they’re sitting on a bench? I don’t know: picture the most wholesome thing in the world, and then startle yourself by placing Samantha Jones there with him. (Drinking tea in the spirit of the Sleepytime Tea Bear.) This is because Paddington, unlike her New York pals, actually listens to her when she’s speaking. Finally, she thinks. A main character without main character syndrome. Paddington offers Samantha his hat.
We see Samantha telling JK Rowling to shut the fuck up
On Twitter, on Instagram, to her face, I don’t care. It’s beautiful, and I want to see it.
We see Samantha participate in The Great British Bake Off
I don’t want to suggest that everything she bakes would be phallic in nature, but Paul Hollywood wouldn’t be able to handle her for a second.
We see Samantha in a serious relationship with Harry Styles
When you actually think about it, this pairing makes sense. He, the new Smith (though far more seasoned in terms of industry experience). She, the woman who handled PR for Don’t Worry Darling and managed to come out alive on the other side.
We see Samantha reading this piece
“Now there’s an author I should probably represent,” she says.
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