Last night… on RuPaul’s Drag Race: Who says America isn’t ruled by a queen? Last night she had four fine figureheads holding court as the queens gave America the read she so desperately needs, writing pointed verses for RuPaul’s song “America.”
Todrick Hall was on hand to coach the queens’ vocals, proving that literally anyone can warble out a passable pop verse in an hour. He also developed what he described as Drag Race’s hardest choreo ever, which seemed specifically designed to murder Eureka.
Aquaria, meanwhile, mastered her choreography in the blink of a reality TV edit. Todrick said she moved like she was auditioning for Cats. When she was done rehearsing, she burst into tears thinking about how good the performance was going to be.
It all culminated in a dazzling onstage Extravaganza that saw Aquaria and Asia hoofing it like golden age Britney Spears, and Eureka and Kameron hoofing it like present-day Britney Spears. After unanimous praise for all the queens from the judges, they were challenged to a fourway Lipsync for Your Life to Ru’s “Call Me Mother.”
In the end, Ru eliminated:
So…Aquaria, Asia, Eureka, and Kameron will compete in the top four. But before America’s next drag superstar is declared, we have some winners of our own to crown.
Most Eye-Catching Jewellery: Aquaria
During the judging, Ru declared Aquaria one of the top five lewk queens to ever grace the hallowed Drag Race stage, so condragulations on winning season ten, Aquaria! Even though she talks like her brain is buffering, her runway looks were as gag-worthy as ever. In the Final Four Eleganza Extravaganza runway challenge, she out-J.Lo-ed the evening gown with a coochie cutout. But her most unforgettable accessory was her eye-rings: stars dangling from chains that hung from her eyes.
Most Broken-Down By Reality TV Brainwashing: Kameron Michaels
After weeks of getting scolded for-sure on-camera by Ru and probably off-camera by everyone for not being enough of a personality exhibitionist for a reality-TV show, Kameron got reality TV real at the 11th hour. Yes, Ru and Michelle coaxed her into talking about her late father on their podcast, but it was her powerful and personal verse written for “America” that gave her a memorable backstory: “Kids called me names and tried to tear me down/ but I had big ol’ dreams, bigger than my small town.” Even better than Kameron singing it was Ross Matthews reading it aloud while choking back tears.
Most Visible Counting In A Comedy or Musical: Eureka
It was lovely to have a feel-good episode where everyone was celebrated for their accomplishments. But since that was hours ago, the real Teavana is that Eureka was pretty much lipsyncing “one, two, three, four” during her “America” choreography. And Miz Cracker, may she rest in peace, was sent home for being too “in her head”?(!)
Least Likely To Be Visited By The Ghost of Whitney Houston: Asia O’Hara
While in studio, Asia was asked by Todrick Hall who her ultimate diva-inspiration was. “Whitney Houston,” she said (Drag Race audience gives standing ovation). Apparently the ghost of Whitney Houston did not take kindly to the comparison as Asia’s first attempt at channeling The Greatest Voice of All flopped. “Don’t do that,” Todrick advised, even though he had just told him to sing like Whitney Houston. In the end, Asia did deliver if not quite Whitney Houston reborn, then Keri Hilson reborn. (Correction: Sources have confirmed that Keri Hilson is still alive.)
The Miss Tuck USA Award For Most Convincing Pageant Speech: Asia O’Hara
When asked why they should be proclaimed America’s next drag superstar, no one gave a more persuasive speech than the Queen Elizabeth of the pageant world, Asia O’Hara, who committed to being an ambassador for drag acceptance and inclusion. “Without those people [in our community,] we crumble,” said Michelle Visage. It’s too bad that Aquaria already won. Oh, they didn’t say that part yet? Never mind!
Next week, on RuPaul’s Drag Race?: Hold onto those positive drag family vibes from the final four while you can because next week is sure to be as shady as Dorothy Zbornak when the girls come back for the cruelest kiki of all: the reunion episode.
Need to know: Is The Vixen still trying to make “poke the bear” happen? Will Blair St. Clair reveal her true age of 93 and that she actually has outsourced her aging to a portrait in her attic? Is Miss Vanjie amused by her ascendancy to gay icon? Or is she furious?
Find out on the reunion episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race: Season 10 on Thursday at 8 PM E/P on OUTtv.
Oh, and also? It’s confirmed: Drag Race is coming back for season 11!