This morning, the first image of Kylie Jenner’s baby bump was published and with it came the collective disappointment of said image revealing basically nothing (Truly. She’s wearing a baggy shirt. It looks like she’s just wearing a baggy shirt. All of us look more pregnant than Kylie Jenner does in that picture. But okay.)
And look: maybe Kylie Jenner is pregnant! Maybe the sources who’ve relayed her fears of being a mom and of parenthood are actually various members of the Kardashian-Jenner camp, fulfilling the asks of momager Kris Jenner. Maybe the next images we see of Kylie Jenner will be her holding a baby that belongs to her! Maybe!
But help me, I do not care. I want to care, but I do not. Do you care? Am I alone here? I care about Chicago West, but I do not care about the fact that Kylie hid her midriff in the family’s Calvin Klein campaign. I care about Kanye smiling while carrying his laptop, but I do not care that KUWTK refuses to comment on the status of Kylie’s maybe-baby. And I want to care so badly. More than you can possibly understand. But here we are, and I do not.
So does this mean the Kardashian-Jenner empire has fallen? That we’ve grown immune to everything that originally endeared us? That we’re too smart? That bigger, more important things matter? That they’re no longer a novelty? That not all that glitters is gold? That I will compose a paragraph made up entirely of cliches? Perhaps. (And “certainly” to that last question.) But the shrugging Emoji thing about Kylie’s mystery baby isn’t the pregnancy itself, it’s the fact that her very family taught us to draw a very definitive line in the sand between the things they choose to talk about and the things that they don’t. Kourtney and Kim and Khloe have all been open about their pregnancies, about being parents, and about the challenges that accompany both. But at the same time, they don’t entertain narratives they don’t bring up on their own. Kylie hasn’t brought up her pregnancy. She hasn’t talked about it, Instagrammed it, been photographed trying on a Baby Bjorn. Instead, she’s kept her cards to her chest, which, in Kardashian-Jenner speak means she doesn’t want to talk about. (I mean, seriously: when haven’t they been forthcoming about sharing news?)
Which means that the reason we don’t care is because we’re being sent the message that there’s nothing to care about; that whatever it is that’s going on with Kylie, we’re not supposed to know. And while that could be intriguing in any other scenario, the K-J world has trained us to look away or at least stop asking questions until the big reveal has come to pass. Which is a genius way of running a brand. The thing is, this time we’re talking less about a brand and more about a baby.
That, based on the magic of Kardashian-Jenner PR, I won’t really care about until I’m explicitly told to.
What do you think? Are you over the Kardashian-Jenners? Do you care about Kylie’s baby? Let us know in the comments!