Here’s How We’re Feeling About Riverdale So Far

Right! So tomorrow we’ll be gifted a new episode of Riverdale, which means we will have a slew of new questions to try and answer while shouting “BUT ARCHIE ISN’T EVEN THAT GOOD AT MUSIC” into the abyss.

So, as a Riverdale fan, I have some questions I’ll need answered before this season wraps up. (Does anybody know when it wraps up, BTW? Because I need it to continue. I just found out Missing Richard Simmons has only like, three episodes to go and I find that very unfair because I think podcasts and TV shows should go on forever, but maybe that’s just me, a person who constantly needs to be entertained.) Anyway! Here we go.

  • Someone stupid killed Jason, didn’t they?
  • Like we’re going to find out Moose did because he was jealous about football, aren’t we?
  • Is everyone else as in love with Jughead/Cole Sprouse as I am?
  • Can you please not answer the above question unless the answer is “yes”?
  • Are Archie’s friends and family terrible for not telling him his music is mediocre at best?
  • Why do so many of these high school teachers and adults care about school sports and variety shows?
  • Did you guys know that you couldn’t have paid me to care about either of those things in high school?
  • Did Archie really not know who Bob Dylan is?
  • Do you think Archie understood he’s the Yoko Ono?
  • Do you think Archie knows who The Beatles are?
  • Why have no one else at Riverdale High come to realize Archie is not cool even slightly?
  • Why was Josie’s Dad such a dick?
  • Why do any of these parents care so much about what their teens are doing?
  • This isn’t a question, but if I were in a band in high school, my parents would just be happy I wasn’t hanging out in the parking lot I always hung out in, back in 2002.
  • Anyway, are we ever going to see Veronica’s Dad?
  • Do we even really care about any parental storylines outside of Skeet Ulrich?
  • Is it okay to be still very attracted to Skeet Ulrich?
  • When will Betty realize her ponytail isn’t helping anybody?
  • Is Polly . . . okay? Like, I will say physically, emotionally and mentally because she had to know Jason died, right?
  • Are Betty’s parents really that bad or is her Mom just trying to escape the memories of her teen years spent in Twin Peaks?
  • Does Betty still love Archie or is that over?
  • Do we buy Betty and Jughead as a couple?
  • Is Jughead going to grow up and be awesome or will be tell women what they don’t “get” about Infinite Jest?
  • Why does no one have house parties in this town?
  • Why didn’t my hometown have a cool nighttime diner?
  • Do you think Archie’s Dad watched Beverly Hills: 90210?
  • Do you think Jughead’s Dad watched Scream?
  • Do you think Ms. Grundy will be arrested soon?
  • Why am I, a 31-year-old woman, so invested in a TV show about the lives of teenager?
  • Can you not answer that last one, please?
  • Can you just let me have this?
  • Thanks?


Tags: Anne T. Donahue, Archie, betty and veronica, jughead, netflix, riverdale

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