We’ve made it past the cringe-worthy awkwardness of night one of the Bachelorette Canada. It’s time to toss that Canadian politeness out the door and let the drama begin! Am I right?
Episode two kicks of the first dates of the season and let’s just say¦ we have some questions:
1. How can we immediately transport ourselves to that Sandals resort in Ocho Rios, Jamaica?
2. Why do these guys look like production oiled them up? Not that we’re complaining.
3. Sorry, but sexual tongue got the first one-on-one date? Really?
4. How can we recreate Jasmine’s chic messy side braid?
5. What is with Tom’s earrings??????
6. Who else can’t focus while all this Brangelina drama is going down? Okay, back to the show¦
7. What’s with the sensual, intellectual guy squad?
8. Do these dudes know that women aren’t blinded by looks, right? You can stop talking about who is better looking than who now.
9. When Drew says all his exes are blonde, blue eyed and beautiful, do you kind of want to punch him?
10. What did Chris invent?
Side note: None of these guys know how AMAZING Tanto Metro and Devonte are and that’s SUCH A SHAME!
11. Drew knows what he signed up for, right?
12. Can Jasmine just choose Mike already?
13. Are we into Seth’s Trudeau hair? Also¦ Trudeau hair is a thing!
14. Who thought it would be a good idea to get eight white guys to come up with reggae songs? Who???
15. Can Wale get more air time? Dude’s hilarious!
16. Does David really deserve to not get a date card? C’mon Jasmine! Give the guy a break.
17. OMG! Why is Seth using SOO much tongue? #WorstKissEver
18. Also, didn’t Jasmine say she liked sexual tongue?
19. Is there ever a good time to interrupt another dude’s one-on-one time? Not really.
20. They obviously chose the men with the best bodies for the wrestling date, right? Good call producers, good call!
21. Who else screamed when Kevin nearly broke JP’s neck in the wrestling final?
22. Can someone please give us the scoop on Jasmine’s hair? We need a full tutorial.
23. Seriously, though. Was Mikhel’s kiss with Jasmine out of a romantic comedy or what?! We’re into it.
24. Seth, did you really just tell Jasmine you weren’t listening to her when she was talking? Ugh.
25. How are you in your twenties and never kissed a person with feeling? COME ON!
26. Are there other people staying at this resort right now? I swear I saw someone in the background watching the rose ceremony through a window.
27. Is Jasmine crazy? Wale was legitimately THE BEST. We needed more of him.
28. How long do we have to wait until the Drew drama unfolds? We NEEEEED drama! You can’t follow Bachelor in Paradise with a tame season!
29. Lastly, where can we buy Jasmine’s dress?
P.S. Seth totally blew it.