Warning: Spoilers ahead!
Last night… on RuPaul’s Drag Race: It’s a good thing that no one has seen the first season of Drag Race, because Ru threw it back to the first-ever challenge, having the queens pull together “Drag On A Dime” from items pillaged from the 99 cent store (or dollar store in Canadian currency). The Queens spun straw hats into gold for the runway challenge.
Mayhem!!! And I ain’t just talking about Miller!! 💫 #DragRace pic.twitter.com/aNJykwrKYl
— RuPaul’s Drag Race (@RuPaulsDragRace) March 23, 2018
Ru pulled the gag of the night by announcing season nine’s Farrah Moan was returning to compete, only for Christina Aguilera to march down the runway, grab a microphone, and perform her signature “oaaaahhh oaahhhhh AHHHHH!”. Let us take a moment of silence for all the queens who died during this sequence. (Plays Sarah McLachlan’s “I Will Remember You.”)
Absolute chills. WERK @xtina! 💗 #DragRace pic.twitter.com/7tiPWX80rg
— RuPaul’s Drag Race (@RuPaulsDragRace) March 23, 2018
After untold years of flop auditions, Mayhem was crowned the winner of the challenge for her elegant all-black ensemble complete with gloves and thigh-high Pretty Woman boots, and proceeded to cry not only onstage, but many days later in her confessional. Kalorie Karbdashian Williams’ paid tribute to the Cash Money franchise of pay-day loan kiosks in a fake money gown, while Vanessa Vanjie Mateo got read to potting soil by Michelle Visage for wearing a globe-shaped bathing suit built from fake flowers that drowned out the off-brand Barbies embellishing her look.
After a Lipsync For Your Life that had Ru serving the same look of disgust the dollar store brings out in us all, Vanessa was sent home, causing Kalorie to collapse into a fit of happy tears. But with crowns going for a dollar a pop, it would be selfish not to coronate some of our new favourite (and less favourite) Queens as well.
When that direct deposit hits! #DragRace pic.twitter.com/AAgB9vaH0v
— RuPaul’s Drag Race (@RuPaulsDragRace) March 23, 2018
Most Problematic Name: Miz Cracker
When it comes to drag names, would you believe Miz Cracker was the rewrite? When Brie-On-A-Cracker was too confusing, the Harlem queen shortened it to Miz Cracker (“just like the snack and the racial slur!” she explained), causing all the Deep South queens to clutch their pearls. But much like that chocolate brand, Merci, we expect her dumb name will be normalized over time. “I want to show people the cracker brand,” she explained. “Stupid.”
Most Likely Foreshadowing For A Duo Or Group: Aquaria’s rivalry with Miz Cracker
For those of us not privy to the New York drag scene (a.k.a. all of us), apparently Aquaria and Miz Cracker are famous rivals because they look identical? That didn’t really play out this week, even though they painted the same face, which Aquaria eloquently called, “The gag to the gag to the gag gag gag.” But don’t worry, Aquaria is breaking from reality tradition and “is not here to make friends.” Refreshing!
Most Likely To Be Adapted As A Lifetime Original Movie: The Eureka Story
It’s impossible not to root for Eureka, the Southern pageant queen who’s competing again after injuring her knee in season nine. “This was my second chance, and you barely get those in life,” she said. We’re not crying, we just need these Kleenexes as snack napkins.
Most Rightfully Pissed: Monique Heart
Monique bragged that her playing-card getup, complete with Elizabethan fan collar, would win. And yet the ghost of Judi Dench was not with her: her jaw dropped when she was only safe. Normally that would be obnoxious, except for, you know, the ability to see with our eyes:
HOW IS MONIQUE HEART NOT IN THE TOP!??! IS LOOK IS EVERYTHING!! #dragrace pic.twitter.com/btvZb5sM89
— Danny Bow Banny✌ (@Dope_Del_Ray) March 23, 2018
Best Effort To Make “Ankh” Happen: Michelle Visage
Seamstress to the stars (of New York’s drag scene) Yuhua Hamasaki’s caution tape look was instantly forgettable, but Michelle’s play on her ankh-shaped headdress—beeping out “Ankh! Ankh!” like a horn—was a true teachable moment, both for those who don’t know their Egyptian iconography and for those who don’t know how to let a joke flop. Michelle, we salute thee!
Next week, on RuPaul’s Drag Race?: Alyssa Edwards directs the queens in lipsync extravaganza PharmaRUsical, (whatever that is!), with guest judges and inseparable chums Halsey and Padma Lakshmi.
Will Cracker and Aquaria continue to be as indistinguishable as James Bay and James Blake? Will Kameron be revealed to be an elaborate thirst trap? Will Michelle make “ankh” happen?
Find out on episode two of RuPaul’s Drag Race: Season 10 on Thursday at 8 PM E/P on OUTtv.
For now, we’ll leave you with the O.G. queens of seasons past and their fierceness:
Uh oh! These queens look like they are NOT messing around! @kimchi_chic @trixiemattel @thatonequeen @rupaul @rupaulsdragrace #DragRace pic.twitter.com/J9rR9oQwRt
— World of Wonder (@WorldOfWonder) March 23, 2018
