Guys. GUYS. THIS WAS ONLY A ONE-HOUR EPISODE WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON. Even still, so much shit went down WE LITERALLY CAN’T EVEN. Let’s look back, shall we?
1. We picked up right when Andi paid Mr. Viall a visit in his hotel room, at first not giving any indication as to why she was there, making Nick squirm a bit (so fun to watch). Finally she said she’d heard he was in town [from Chris Harrison?] and that she wanted to check and see how he was doing. She was all class and no sass, and implied only the subtlest of shade when she asked him if he was going to have sex with the women he takes to fantasy suites.
“Are you gonna have sex with any of them then?” This, folks, is what we call PAYBACK. #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/ALmvO0qfn4
” Kristen Baldwin (@KristenGBaldwin) February 28, 2017
2. After that, Nick apologized to Andi for what he said to her (IT’S ABOUT FUCKING TIME) and she forgave him and even apologized for hurting him in the first place. And it was all very classy and civil and I guess this is what closure is? Weird.
3. Finally, we got a rose ceremony as the four remaining ladies were left standing in the cold while Nick hung out with his ex (#justsaying) and, though we had a hard time recognizing what a rose ceremony looked like, it was probably one of the most interesting ones we’ve had in a while. First Nick called Raven’s name, then Rachel’s (BUT SHE’S GOING TO BE THE BACHELORETTE! WTF IS HAPPENING?!), then… Vanessa’s! Meaning that Corinne (sweet, spoiled Corinne) got sent home to Raquel, but not without this observation made by yours truly:
Someone tell Raquel that Corinne has a runny nose #TheBachelor
” 29secrets (@29Secrets) February 28, 2017
4. Nick took Vanessa, Rachel (WHY) and Raven to Finland for fantasy suites (no beach? WHAT’S HAPPENING?).
5. Raven was the first to get her one-on-one date and, after they played darts together (I can’t even make this shit up anymore), she divulged a little secret to Nick that she’s never had an orgasm (poor girl) and she’s only been with one guy. She did drop the love-bomb on Nick, but (even though we really, really like Raven), it felt a little too polite? courteous? cordial? to be love? Also, she was expecting a man in a turtleneck (Nick’s Finland style, obvs) to give her an orgasm. So.
Nick is rocking his best Drake look tonight #TheBachelor #HotlineBling pic.twitter.com/qVg26sM7ot
” Wetpaint (@WetpaintTV) February 28, 2017
6. Raven accepted the invitation for the fantasy suite, but Nick was questioning whether or not he would have sex with any of the girls in the fantasy suites.
7. The episode ended before anything happened (ONE HOUR. WHY GOD WHY) and we won’t know what happens until next week.
