I have been a professional procrastinator for as long as I can remember. While I keep myself busy, I often consider myself the queen of putting off important but not-really-interesting tasks. On the upside, I often have enough work to do that I’ll just do something else that’s borderline productive instead (like filing receipts) or writing a story for another place or creating spreadsheets that are intended to make my life easier, but are just a make-work project to avoid the actual Important Task at hand. Sometimes I even procrastinate like a “normal person” and just do everything else. Here’s how to do it like a pro.
Read the entire internet for “inspiration”
When writer’s block hits hard, the best thing you can do is try to find some inspiration (hence this article). Once you’ve ready all of the latest daily articles on your favourite sites, scrolled through Twitter, Instagram and Facebook until you start seeing yesterday’s shit and have exhausted every website’s daily horoscope section (or have gone into a YouTube hole), you can write an article about procrastination. You’re welcome.
Check up on people from high school
Via social media, of course. That chick your current man used to date? What’s she been up to? That girl from your grade 11 history class who had a baby? Maybe just take a look at her feed so you can get a little ragey and remind yourself as to why you unfollowed her in the first place. Not only will you be up-to-date on the happenings of random people from your past, it may make you feel better about your life or at least inspire you to become more diligent with your birth control.
Go for a walk under the ruse of being “active”
It’s finally nice out and you’re probably not getting as much exercise as you told yourself you would on January 1, so step away from the computer and go get a coffee or a snack or just like totally ignore your responsibilities and go read in the park or something.
Clean literally everything
Oven, baseboards, steam your curtains, purge your bathroom cabinet (or, as I call it, the cabinet of broken beauty dreams). My condo never looks cleaner than when I have writer’s block, which is a nice alternative to the mess I’ve been living in since I started working from home.
Paint your nails
Like really paint your nails. Give yourself a full at-home manicure and pedicure complete with some nail art you’ve been meaning to try. You’ll miss your deadline (though nothing makes you more productive than the last minute, amirite?) but at least you’re nails will be Instagram-worthy. Now you’ll know my secret next time you see me with really nice nails.
Main image via @coffeeintheshower
