If recurring fights are common in your relationship, the way you handle them probably isn’t effective. Whether its an issue of not tackling the underlying issue that’s causing problems in the first place, or if there’s not enough mutual reassurance afterward, not being able to put a problem to rest can take a toll on a relationship. Here are 6 tips for making up for good, so you can get on with your relationship and your life.
Be honest. Have a straight up, one on one discussion about the issue and don’t leave anything out. You won’t ever resolve the issue, no matter how latent, if you don’t acknowledge that it’s there in the first place. If he did something that bothered you, confront him about it respectfully, in a private setting “ not at a party, at a bar, or your parents house for dinner.
Go deeper. If you started fighting about something small, for example, one of you freaked because the other person was flirting with someone at a party, there’s probably a bigger underlying issue going on here. When you have a discussion about it, try to get to the deeper issue. You’ll know you reach it when you feel vulnerable. And once you reach it and talk about it, it’ll feel so much better.
Adopt a team mentality. After all, you love each other and want to try to work this out. What you ideally want to do when you’re making up is find out what went wrong and how you can make sure it doesn’t happen again. Treat the issue as a problem to be solved. Be reasonable with each other. Pointing fingers isn’t going to do anything to help your relationship, even though it might feel good in the moment.
Reassure your partner. Remind your partner that at the end of the day, you love him and he’s super important to you, no matter what. Even if it feels redundant, everyone needs to hear it. Especially when fights arise, keeping your eye on the grand scheme of things will help put things in perspective. Promise him that you’ll always talk about what’s bothering you before you let it eat away at your bond.
Set boundaries. After you’ve gotten through this ordeal, you’ll have learned a little more about each other. Relationships are constantly evolving, and each argument is an opportunity for growth. Based on what didn’t work, set some ground rules for how you’ll handle things next time a situation arises.
Do something nice. After all is said and done, it’s a nice idea to seal the deal by doing a random act of kindness for your partner. Bringing him a coffee at work, dropping by with a batch of cookies, etc. it just shows you appreciate them. Actions speak louder than words.