So! What is the furthest possible thing from the garbage fire that is the current state of our world? Puppies! But, since we have absolutely none of those to show you today, here’s an update on Drake and Taylor Swift.
Turns out–according to HollywoofLife.com (whatever, let me have this)–Drake has been buying cat toys for Taylor Swift’s cats, Meredith Grey and Olivia Benson.
“Drake knows the way to Taylor’s heart and he’s going for it in a big way,” a source told the site. “He stopped in PetCo and went buck wild on cat accessories for Taylor. He went all out.”
“He’s also preparing to send her this sick designer bag that she can put her cats in when she’s traveling,” they continued. “It’s Drake being Drake and his way of letting her know that she’s good people and keeping her close to him. He knows how much she adores her cats and Drake wants her to know that he adores her just as much.”
There are so many thoughts I have right now that I am going to share in this moment:
- Did Drake really do this?
- Did he really go buck wild at PetCo?
- What does going “buck wild” at PetCo even look like?
- What toys did he buy, do you think?
- Do you think Drake knows that cats make toys out of things like paper they find and sweaters their owners love and left out for a second and now don’t know why so many claw marks are in them? And that many of us who have cats have sadly understood this for years?
- Do you think Drake has cuddled with the cats?
- Do you think Drake has asked the cats if they’re beautiful babies or small adults the way I ask my own cat?
- Do you think Drake has asked Meredith or Olivia if they’re babies? Do you think he greets by saying, “Look at the babies!”
- Do you think Drake and Taylor are dating or just really good at making us mention PetCo?
- Do you think Drake and Taylor are writing a song about cats?
- Do you think Drake and Taylor are writing a song about the Broadway musical, Cats?
- Do you think Drake and Taylor are planning to star in a reboot of Broadway’s Cats?
- Do you think either Drake or Taylor have even seen Cats?
- Do any of you want to take me to see Cats?
- Do you think my own cat will stop ignoring me today and begin treating me like the person I am a.k.a. his hero and rescuer who adopted him despite him being super small and sickly back in November 2009?
- Do you think my cat is reading this right now?
- Barry Gibb, are you reading this?
And yes, I named my cat Barry Gibb. So Drake, I’m here for a shit-ton of cat toys too, BTW. Even though Barry’s favourite, ironically, is a Drake doll my friend Audrey made for me.
Last name Ever, first name Greatest indeed.