Hey, do you guys like rock? Roll? Elaborate musical performances? Well congratulations to all of us, for we have won the Grammy jackpot.
Beyonce and Jay Z opened the ceremony with a knock-out version of "Drunk In Love" (we are all dead now, RIP), and were followed by Lorde (official Grammy winner), who proved exactly why we should be defending her to critics who don't "get" the importance of a teen girl singing and writing her heart out to a viewership of millions. (Seriously — there are actual adult humans who made fun of a teenage girl last night, and now it is our job to obliterate them.)
Meanwhile, Pink sang UPSIDE DOWN from a trapeze, Fun.'s frontman debuted a mustache, Katy Perry tapped into American Horror Story (subsequently making this the gothiest Grammy Awards ever), Robin Thicke teamed up with Chicago for a performance fit for our dentist's office waiting rooms, Ringo and Paul reunited (and it was lovely), Kendrick Lemar delivered a mic drop in performance form, Imagine Dragons were drowned out by Kendrick's aforementioned mic drop, Taylor Swift headbanged while playing the piano, and Trent Reznor, Lindsay Buckingham, and the rest of the closing act was essentially played off with a commercial for Delta Airlines. (To which Reznor delivered quite the emotional response via Twitter.) Whew.
But perhaps most noteworth was Madonna's performance alongside Macklemore and Ryan Lewis' version of "Same Love" that accompanied the marriages of 33 couples, which were officiated by Queen Latifah onstage. (For real.) Madonna's addition was her arrival onstage in a tuxedo and a new rendition of "Open Your Heart," complete with grills, which she was wearing on her teeth, actually. (Go, girl.)
Then the Grammys just kept on going — followed by an In Memorium slide show that officially made this the most morose wedding any of us have ever been to, and finally, the finale that let us all know how important Delta Airlines is. We did it, everyone. But especially Beyonce — and Jay Z, who referred to the Grammy he won as a gold sippy cup for Blue Ivy. Because he can. #Surfboardt