Well, summer is over, and none of us can wear white anymore (JK wear it all you want, I don’t care what you do), and my guess is that you are currently reading this and wondering how long until you can eat lunch outside and pretend it’s still August. (I know this because I am you.)
What I’m saying is that time is cruel and it’s too hot for our new autumn clothes and all I want is to be back in Prince Edward County buying cookies at small-town bakeries and then eating them in bed. (Which I did this weekend dear lord take me back.) Plus, other things. Personally, I would rather be doing anything other than the work I am supposed to be doing. And because I don’t think any of us can possibly wrap our brains around real talk or real work, here is a comprehensive list of all the things that are more agreeable than being productive members of society in this garbage post-Labour Day world.
Instead of working on the Tuesday after Labour Day, I would rather be:
– Not working on the Tuesday after Labour Day
– Not working on the Wednesday after Labour Day if we’re being honest, BTW
– Reading anything that isn’t the Internet
– Tossing my laptop into the sea
– Retrieving said laptop because it is expensive what have I done
– Standing in a sunny field, demanding someone Instagram me during Magic Hour
– Being asked to leave the sunny field because I am trespassing
– Shouting “spring break!” instead of answering why I’m in said field
– Driving anywhere
– Driving back because I forgot my wallet
– Spending money I don’t have on things I don’t need
– Stifling the regret of buying things I don’t need by buying more things I don’t need
– Pretending interest on my Visa card isn’t real
– Telling myself “it’s summer!” whenever I feel like being financially irresponsible
– Telling myself “it’s summer!” whenever I feel like being emotionally irresponsible
– Telling myself “it’s summer!” when I’m in denial that it’s basically fall
– Forcing myself to drink a pumpkin spice latte because “it’s time now”
– Spending several minutes being conflicted as to whether I should tell anyone I just had a pumpkin spice latte
– Screaming “IT DOESN’T COUNT” at anyone who orders a pumpkin spice frappiccino
– Being escorted out of Starbucks for my seventh outburst
– Watching Ghost Adventures
– Watching The Dead Files
– Watching episodes of Ghost Adventures and The Dead Files that I’ve seen a million times
– Wondering where my life went wrong
– Making a list of how my life has gone right
– Showing that list to anyone who’s wronged me
– Creeping people I went to high school with on Facebook
– Accidentally adding one after going down the rabbit hole of their public tagged photos
– Returning to the sea I was at previously and tossing my laptop into it, once and for all
HAPPY LABOUR DAY, EVERYONE
