Canadians, congratulations: we have Monday off because it’s Family Day and I know it’s an entirely made-up holiday, but what can you do?
But the thing about concepts like “Family Day” is that there’s now a pressure to hang out with our families, which is a really nice idea until you’re like, “I can technically hang out with them anytime because I’m an adult, so maybe I’ll just go to the movies?”
So this is your guide to things you can actually do on Family Day a.k.a. a Monday where not even our parents fully understand why we’re trying to make this a thing (but it’s the middle of February and what else do any of us have, riddle me that). Or, as I like to put it: a guide to doing shit by yourself because it’s Monday and honestly everything closed on Sunday at 5 and there is truly nothing for us to do.
- Go to the movies
- Go to another movie after seeing whatever you just saw
- Go to another movie after that, but at a different theatre
- Is there a mall open? Go to the mall
- Sit in a restaurant and eat the longest lunch you could possibly dream of
- Bring a book so you can buy at least another hour at the aforementioned lunch
- Spend 45 minutes looking at your phone
- Do you live near a museum? Go there and walk around it
- Text your friends and ask what they’re doing
- Text your friends and ask if they want to hang out
- Realize it’s cold and you can just go home and put on sweatpants and Netflix
- Text your friends and say they can come to your house if you want, but you’re really tired now
- Consider getting up and making dinner
- Consider getting up and going outside and picking up dinner
- Consider ordering dinner in
- Text your family and ask if they want to get dinner
- After two hours of radio silence, order pizza
- Eat pizza in bed
- Notice that it’s dark outside and most of the day has passed and what day is it tomorrow or it’s Tuesday well you might as well get ready for bed
- Scroll through your phone for three hours
- Realize it’s still only 7 p.m. and wonder where it all went wrong
- Clean your house . . . ?
- Go to Shoppers Drug Mart in your pyjamas (it’s always open)
- Walk around until you’re asked if you need help five times, and then buy a pack of whatever candy your heart desires
- Return home, acknowledge the lateness and congratulate yourself on a terrific Family Day
- Realize as you’re drifting to sleep that it’s actually Sunday
- Goddamn it
