God is real. And we know that because this morning it was announced that Rihanna will be co-hosting the 2018 Met Gala.
The singer/our Lord and Saviour will be joined by Amal Clooney and Donatella Versace, and the show title is “Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination,” which I hope means somebody will arrive dressed like a nun or Maria Von Trapp because then all my dreams will have come true at once.
Anyway. The Holy Trinity (honestly, having grown up Catholic the puns are just writing themselves right now) were hand-selected by Anna Wintour, and will take over from last year’s hosts Katy Perry, Pharrell, and Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady. As per usual, the event will take place on the first Monday of May, and we can expect to see “a dialogue between fashion and the masterworks of religious art in the museum’s holdings.”
Which is something I’m here for, especially with someone like Rihanna at the helm. When you think of the full scope of Catholic influence on popular culture over the centuries, there’s an endless well from which to draw. Think of the hierarchy! The excess! The fact that for a long time, only the highest-ranking religious leaders could even read! (Why do you think all the published books were religious?) And then until Henry VIII created the Church of England, Catholic church leaders benefited greatly from the privilege of the courts. Have you seen The Tudors? Have you seen the art from that era? Goddamn.
And then don’t even get me started on Bloody (Queen) Mary and her obsession with restoring Catholicism under her reign that she killed thousands of her own Protestant subjects. Guys, this Met Gala is going to be all sorts of dark and dramatic and goddamn it (see? I can’t stop), I am here for it.
Which means that our only roadblock is a gross misinterpretation of the dress code at the hands of idiots, as is tradition. So hear this: if you, a Met Gala attendee, is even thinking about doing your own “spin” on a theme that’s got so much range it’s basically a Beyonce song, you will be a public disgrace. You can dress up as a da Vinci painting. You can do the darkest take on the darkest ages. You can wear head to toe Versace while recreating the aesthetic of any illustrated bible story. You can be Catherine of Aragon. (I mean, provided any of the above are included in existing religious arts in the participating museums/collections). You have options, is what I’m saying.
Hell, you can even dress up like this. But there’s six months to get a theme-appropriate ensemble together. And I pray (I live for this) you live up to your potential.
Specifically, I pray you do not disappoint Rihanna. (May we suggest Alexander McQueen’s over-the-top opulent fall 2013 collection?)