Also known as crazy-makers, chaos-creators or toxic friends, self-worth suckers are the people in your life who make you feel drained, full of self-doubt and insignificant when you spend time with them. They’re bad for business, can harp your health and are detrimental to your happiness. You don’t have all the time or energy in the world, so once you identify the self-worth suckers in your life, waste no time in taking action to protect yourself—here’s how to start.
Whether it’s your ex who creeps back into your phone and Facebook messages, dragging shitty memories up with him, or the co-worker who always needs your help and it’s never enough, they all have one thing in common: it’s not you who can help them. No amount of time or energy you spend on a self-worth suckers (read: those who don’t have an understanding of their own self-worth) will yield any return on your investment. The more you spend, the worse you feel. That’s it. You have to identify the sources of the energy leaks in your life and let them go because life is just too short. Think of it as tough love, for both you and the other party.
Call it like it is
Your gut will tell you when this person is no good for you and you must trust it. If you consistently feel a little more stressed, worried or slightly depressed after being with this person, this is as much feedback as you need to call it like it is. If you tend to be more of a thinker and less of a body-feeler, there’s probably been red flags come up that have triggered thoughts of “really?” and questioning underlying motivations.
Set hard boundaries
Give your exposure to this person firm limits. That might be a four-minute limit on a phone conversation when they call, blocking them on Facebook or unfollowing them on Instagram. Set hard boundaries between yourself and them and don’t get pulled in. Remind yourself of the big why, here: knowing your worth is just what grown-ups do. Honour yourself enough to honour the way you spend your time and energy.
Take back your power
That is, let it go. Forgive the situation. Don’t harbour any wish that this person were different, that you could have done anything differently in the past. If possible, stop talking about them, even if you’re trying to be positive about it. Let go of the complication, because when things are complicated, it’s a huge energy-suck. Even if you still have to see this person semi-regularly, you can declare yourself moved on. In the words of Elsa:
Commit to your choice
There are a million reasons we go back on the promises we make to ourselves (boredom, forgetting why we really made it in the first place, believing we now defy our reason), but doing this is likely to bring about a predictable result, and make you feel like a fool. Your commitment to a choice to spare yourself self-worth suckage when you see it is the most important one you can make. It’s about living in alignment with your values.
Your commitment to “move on” from the drama of a draining relationship is one that leads to more ease, simplicity, and inner strength. Doing this teaches you to shed tendencies like “yeah, but there’s no one else better out there anyway,” and ” I don’t deserve ____ until I lose 10 pounds, get a better job, etc. etc.” It’s not about anyone but you, and it’s not about anything but choosing love.