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Sex on the First Date: Yay or Nay?

Written by Jen Kirsch

Whether you just met a guy on a dating app, or whether you’re out with a gent of your fancy that you’ve had a thing for since god knows when, there’s often a debate on whether or not it’s okay to put out on the first date.

The world can easily be split into two opposing camps: Those who think that it’s all well and good to have sex on the first date, and those who disagree wholeheartedly.

But what all these people fail to see is that it’s not so black and white. I mean, I get how many argue that if you want a relationship, you shouldn’t give in to your carnal desires so easily, so soon. And yet I also get those who think there shouldn’t be a double standard when it comes to hooking up ASAP, and if a woman wants to get hers, all the power to her!

But whether or not you hit it on the first date, there’s only one thing to keep in mind and it’s a one-liner of a question: What are your intentions?

Here’s the thing, girls, it all comes down to what you expect to happen by partaking in hooking up. If your intention is to have sex in hopes to see the person again, or to wow them in the bedroom so they’ll want to see you again, then don’t hook up on the first date. If a guy tells you he’s not looking for a relationship (and you are), don’t say it’s okay and hook up with him anyways and continue to do so every time you see him, hoping he’ll change his mind. In all these situations, your intentions are pure. They come alongside a specific goal. Goal-oriented sex isn’t sex anyone should be having (unless the goal is to get you and your partner off, but of course!).

However, if you have no intentions other than to have a good time and give into your sexual desires and chemistry, then go for it. Have fun. Be safe. Let it happen. You can initiate. They can initiate. The world is your oyster. You can choose to exchange numbers after the fact, or you can avoid to (just like Liz did with Nick on The Bachelor, following Jade and Tanner’s wedding.) But even if you decide to hook up, and even if you decide to give him your number, don’t take it personally if he doesn’t call. In fact, don’t expect him to call. Again, if you want a call, you have a set intention and this goes back to my whole point of not hooking up if you have expectations. Same goes for you contacting him first if you get his number.

I know people who have ended up marrying their partner they’ve hooked up with on the first night, and I know people who have hooked up once and never talked or run into each other again. Figure out what’s best for you, what your intentions are, how you’ll feel after the fact and go from there. Just always keep it safe! (I carry condoms in a casual Altoids case in my purse as a just in case.)

http://29secrets.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/29s_sex-on-the-first-date-150x94.jpg Jen Kirsch Relationships ,,,,

Whether you just met a guy on a dating app, or whether you’re out with a gent of your fancy that you’ve had a thing for since god knows when, there’s often a debate on whether or not it’s okay to put out on the first date.

The world can easily be split into two opposing camps: Those who think that it’s all well and good to have sex on the first date, and those who disagree wholeheartedly.

But what all these people fail to see is that it’s not so black and white. I mean, I get how many argue that if you want a relationship, you shouldn’t give in to your carnal desires so easily, so soon. And yet I also get those who think there shouldn’t be a double standard when it comes to hooking up ASAP, and if a woman wants to get hers, all the power to her!

But whether or not you hit it on the first date, there’s only one thing to keep in mind and it’s a one-liner of a question: What are your intentions?

Here’s the thing, girls, it all comes down to what you expect to happen by partaking in hooking up. If your intention is to have sex in hopes to see the person again, or to wow them in the bedroom so they’ll want to see you again, then don’t hook up on the first date. If a guy tells you he’s not looking for a relationship (and you are), don’t say it’s okay and hook up with him anyways and continue to do so every time you see him, hoping he’ll change his mind. In all these situations, your intentions are pure. They come alongside a specific goal. Goal-oriented sex isn’t sex anyone should be having (unless the goal is to get you and your partner off, but of course!).

However, if you have no intentions other than to have a good time and give into your sexual desires and chemistry, then go for it. Have fun. Be safe. Let it happen. You can initiate. They can initiate. The world is your oyster. You can choose to exchange numbers after the fact, or you can avoid to (just like Liz did with Nick on The Bachelor, following Jade and Tanner’s wedding.) But even if you decide to hook up, and even if you decide to give him your number, don’t take it personally if he doesn’t call. In fact, don’t expect him to call. Again, if you want a call, you have a set intention and this goes back to my whole point of not hooking up if you have expectations. Same goes for you contacting him first if you get his number.

I know people who have ended up marrying their partner they’ve hooked up with on the first night, and I know people who have hooked up once and never talked or run into each other again. Figure out what’s best for you, what your intentions are, how you’ll feel after the fact and go from there. Just always keep it safe! (I carry condoms in a casual Altoids case in my purse as a just in case.)

Jen Kirsch kirsch.jen@gmail.com Author Jen Kirsch is a relationship columnist, dating expert and on-air personality. 29Secrets

About the author

Jen Kirsch

Jen Kirsch is a relationship columnist, dating expert and on-air personality.

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