Whether you’ve caught him in a major lie, or a full-blown affair, learning how to trust your guy again after he’s betrayed you can be difficult, and feel almost impossible. But if you’re set on trying and are both committed to getting past the temporary road bump, here’s what you need to do to help start putting the trust back into your relationship:
This doesn’t mean stay angry, but allow yourself to be mad for a reasonable period of time. Don’t hold back. Let out everything you’re feeling with him (even if that includes screaming like a crazy woman), and talk it out with your friends and even yourself, in your private blog or journal. That way, you’re not bottling anything up, and are giving yourself the chance to properly heal without hanging onto any resentment that could lead to problems in the future. You need to work through it on your own before you even start working on it with him.
Accept that he’s human
Haven’t you ever done anything horrible, said anything wrong, or purposely deceived someone? The point is, we all make mistakes, and we all deserve the chance to be forgiven. Your boyfriend may, at most times, seem like Mr. Perfect, but you have to recognize that he does have the ability to slip up—and if he does, and genuinely regrets it, he should be entitled a second chance. Wouldn’t you want the same from him if the situation were reversed?
If you’ve been thinking that since he’s the one who royally messed up, you’ll be sitting back while he fixes the relationship solo, you’d be wrong. Rebuilding trust takes effort and commitment from both ends. You need to communicate and work together if you really want to overcome your issues. While you look for ways to help regain your ability to trust, he needs to focus on proving that he’s truly worthy of that trust.
Keep it in the past
This doesn’t mean to never talk about it, but once you’ve both said all you really can say about what he’s done, there’s no reason to keep rehashing it and rubbing how wrong he was in his face. You can’t really let go of something and get beyond it if you keep bringing it up and arguing about it. Plus, you have to remember; your man is not his mistake. You have to separate the person from the behaviour, and honestly, guilt-tripping him will end up doing more harm than good.
Rebuilding trust takes time, sometimes a lot more than we’d like. But you need to realize and make peace with the fact that things can’t immediately go back to how they were before he betrayed you, and that you won’t start feeling better about it overnight. While it may be hard to remain patient, keep in mind that in the long run, through working through your problems, your relationship has the potential to be stronger than ever.