Dear Single Girls (myself included because until I need to change my status on taxes I’m a free agent in the eyes of the law, God and Maury Povich),
Right now, your Facebook feed is being flooded with engagement photos of your friends and their significant others in improbable situations they have never actually been in (why are you both gazing at each other over an ice cream sundae in front of a waterfall? How is that a way to announce your betrothal?). You are being inundated with Save the Dates and wedding invites where you aren’t offered the option of a plus one. Your parents are lamenting the fact that your nieces and nephews will grow up denied the pleasant familial friendship of cousins, all because of your selfish, shrewish, single womb.
Your friends are getting pregnant and talking about breast pumps and suddenly, you start to feel all Eat, Pray, Love about your life. What does it all mean if you go to bed with your laptop and iPad and wake up to enjoy a bowl of Cap’n Crunch with chocolate soy milk while doing your makeup cross-legged on the floor in front of a broken full-length mirror? It means you are wonderful, and just in case you forgot why, I wrote you this letter as a friendly reminder:
Marriage is not a contest.
At least, not until you’ve been married 35 years like my parents have, and even then, the contests are focused on arm wrestling. There’s no reward for being the first to the altar, and a wedding can’t be an end in and of itself. After all the parties are thrown and the gifts are opened, you’re just two people who choose to wake up next to each other forever. You don’t want just anyone waiting at the other end of the aisle, you want the guy who will wake up thinking F*ck Yeah! That’s my lady! even when you wear a retainer to bed and you fart in your sleep (stop pretending it doesn’t happen).
Nobody can complete your life for you.
That’s your job. Loving who you are and creating a life that makes you happy and proud is your responsibility. If you find someone who likes what you’re throwing down and wants to create something great together, well, then that’s wonderful. But waiting for a dude to come fix your problems? That’s not your style. You’re in charge of your own destiny, and you’re doing a damn fine job at it.
You believe in abundance.
The happiness of others doesn’t take away from your potential for happiness, and the wifing of others doesn’t take away from your wifability. There are enough eligible, handsome men to go around. Not statistically, mind you, but stay with me. What I mean is this: there is enough marriage to go around. And if you didn’t get to marry him this time around, just wait 10 years. Gross! I don’t mean that! I truly believe in the enduring power of love and the sacred covenant of marriage! But numbers tell another story!
Bottom line: You are a beautiful Amazon who chooses her own path every day. Enjoy it.
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