Feeling validated in social situations is important to everyone – it makes us feel good about ourselves and reminds us of our best qualities. But if your sense of self worth relies on the attention of others, you’re setting yourself up for trouble. Learn how to affirm your love for yourself, then you won’t need validation from any external source. Here’s how to tell if you’re a little too hung up on attention, and how to deal if you are.
You’re worried that people won’t notice / hear / see you
Worrying that you’ll be overlooked or overshadowed by others is your insecurity talking. Being the loudest or “looking the best” isn’t the way to put a stop to those feelings, it’s only fighting fire with fire. Instead, when you feel that fear of not being heard, take note of what prompted it. A pang of jealousy? A feeling that you don’t look good enough or have anything interesting to say? None of these ideas are true – they’re just your insecurities talking. Be more kind to yourself.
You gravitate toward people you “feel like you’re better than”
Dominating people that you feel superior to is a way to temporarily pump up your ego, but it’s not real confidence. Check your thoughts. You know, in your rational mind, that no one is “better” than anyone else. We’re all human and we all have problems, insecurities, strengths, weaknesses, etc. so when you feel the need to assert your confidence over someone who’s not so confident in order to make yourself feel better, you’re underestimating both yourself and the other person. A conversation should be a give and take experience.
You don’t really listen, you only wait to talk
We’re all guilty of this sometimes. But not letting other people get a word in edgewise doesn’t do anything to benefit you. You learn more when you listen. Plus, people love talking about themselves – when you have a conversation with someone and ask them questions about them and are interested in their lives, they leave the conversation feeling super good about themselves. Then, they feel good about you. It’s a win-win situation.
You’re a controlling type
Life is chaotic and unpredictable. Having control over things in our lives often makes us feel better about coping with it all. Instead of trying to control your social sphere, control your own thoughts. Understand that you don’t need to control the attention of everyone in the entire party in order to be ok with the night, with yourself. Trying to get people to adopt your viewpoint, laugh at your jokes, or fall in love with you is emotionally taxing because it’s so not up to you. Accept that not everyone will, and that’s ok. As long as you accept yourself, you won’t be so reliant on the acceptance from others.