So, you’re ready to take that next big step with your boo. Or at least you think you are. I mean, you spend so much time at each other’s place so it’s like you practically live together already, right? Except no. Not even a little bit. You may think that because the majority of your waking—and even sleeping—hours are spent together, that you already know what it’s like. But you don’t.
I’m not trying to scare or discourage you. I just want to prepare you for the road ahead. It’s bumpy, but if you’ve got yourself a good guy, it’s worth it. There are many important conversations that need to be had before you become official roomies. I mean, he’s your best friend and boyfriend and you guys are obviously close enough to take this step so as much as you think you know everything about each other, you both need be crystal clear on the following before moving in with your boyfriend.
What are your pet peeves?
I’m sure a lot of these have already come out in getting to know each other part, but pet peeves that apply to domestic settings in particular need to be known so that you can live as peacefully as possible. So what makes you tick? Is it dishes piled up on the counter instead of in the sink? And what makes him tick? Does he hate when the toilet paper roll is left for someone else to replace? Some of it is about common courtesy, and some of it are just personal preferences that each person should respect. And if you have opposing pet peeves, you’ll need to come up with some sort of compromise.
How will you split up the bills?
In a perfect world, you’re both financially responsible and can take care of yourselves each month with maybe a little money to spare, but if you’re both not-so-great with your money, this conversation becomes all the more important. And if one of you is extravagant with their spending and the other needs to loosen up on their purse strings a little bit, things might be a little more difficult. Financial understanding and agreement is of the utmost importance because one of the worst (and most common) things a couple can fight about is money. Be clear on how you want to handle finances and ask the serious questions that will matter down the line. Whose account will your rent get paid through? How do you want to split the grocery bills? If one of you makes way more than the other, do you expect the financial burden to be place equally? Whatever you decide is fine, as long as you’re both actually fine with it.
What are your cleaning habits?
You probably will already know the level of cleanliness that your SO maintains just by going to his place. If you’re both dirtbags, all the power to you—enjoy basking in each other’s filth. If you are a little more anal retentive than he is, you’ll need to address your expectations and vice versa. Decide whether it’s better for each of you to have a clear set of chores/errands that you’re responsible for or if you can just trust each other to keep your home up to whatever standards you both set.
What is your decor style like and how are you going to compromise?
You will soon be merging all your stuff into one place and chances are, whatever sort of decor you each had in your previous place don’t exactly match. So whose sense of style wins? Will he be okay with having a floral bed sheet? Are you okay with his strange taste in artwork? Or do you want to just do away with all of it and start fresh with decor that you both agree on?
How will he handle your PMS time?
Can your man not handle your PMS? Does he go MIA for a few days every month when you’re in “crazy mode”? Does he get totally grossed out by seeing tampons in the cupboard? Will he freak if you leak overnight? And does all of this bother you? Honestly, hopefully not. While it’s normal for men to get a little squeamish about it, we hope that all guys can (eventually) be mature enough to understand that this is a natural part of life, and that it’s worse for you than it is him. Cause unfortunately, he won’t have anywhere to hide out anymore.
How social are you going to be?
How are you with his friends? How is he with your friends? While you may be able to tolerate them going out or hanging out, it might be different when they’re in your personal home. I mean, I’m sure both of you have wicked awesome friends, but there are times when you really just don’t want to have people over. Be clear on things like guy’s/girl’s nights and times you might feel it’s inappropriate to have company over. If you don’t like coming home to a house full of people after a long day at work, make that known. If you don’t feel comfortable having his friends in your bedroom, say so. You’re about to have a lot less privacy than you’re used to, so salvage what you can.
How are you going to keep things interesting?
Once you move in together, it’s really easy to get caught up in the mundane everyday stuff and stop putting the effort in to spend time with each other because really, all you do is spend time together. Make plans for how you will keep your relationship fresh. Commit to a date night once a month or have a hobby that you guys do together on a weekly basis (outside of laundry and grocery shopping). And when you do go out, try not to talk about your bills or who’s turn it is to do the pile of dishes in the sink (on the counter?) when you get home. And although you should be free to let yourself go and be a comfortable mess as much as you want, do make an effort to get a little sexy for him from time to time.
What happens in case of emergency?
Heaven forbid anything bad happens to you two but it’s important to plan ahead for anything life might throw at you. For example, what’s your plan if one of you gets laid off? Try to anticipate any curve balls and remember that no matter what, you’re in it together and should always support the other in every situation.