So, Real Housewives of Toronto is here, which welcomes a feisty batch of Torontonians as the latest edition of the Real Housewives franchise. The new series isn’t the first time that Canada has tried to take a slice of the Housewives’ reality bug (remember Real Housewives of Vancouver? If not don’t worry, it was only around for two seasons before falling into the reality reject vault). Here’s what happened in episode one.
1. We were introduced to the “Six from the 6ix,” the bourgey-types that are the fabric of Toronto — or, shall we say, a certain tier of Toronto. Each woman doesn’t shy from praising their wealthy-to-do lifestyle, with some boasting multiple homes, condos and real estate in places such as Vancouver, Florida and Muskoka (that is in addition to their Toronto shrines, of course).
2. Recently married Roxy Earle is the first housewife to be introduced and her vivacious “some people love me, some people hate me, but no one forgets me” personality comes complete with big hair and lots of bling. Apparently we’re still using the word bling. Roxy’s husband is given a brief mention but it’s her dog Lola that gets premium attention, being that Lola is pretty much her child. Lola’s even got a private chef and dog nanny, because why not?
3. Ann Kaplan Mulholland, who describes herself as a mixture of “Scottish, Hawaiian and botox,” is a business financier who prides herself on simple things like the need for large diamonds. She’s also married to Dr. Stephen Mulholland (a notable Toronto plastic surgeon and former NHL-er) and the episode sees the two planning a “procedure party,” which is basically getting people to watch a live “non-invasive” demo, performed by Mulholland. More on that in a bit.
4. Then there’s Kara Alloway, the born-again Christian who sees Jesus as her best friend. Throughout the episode Kara, who sort of has a Rachel Zoe thing going on, makes sure to reiterate her devotion to God and reminds us that “the higher the heel the closer to God” one is. While it’s still early, it seems that Kara, who has the gift of the gab, is going to be a real firecracker—she’s quick to cite her work at Allure Magazine, her credible McGuill University degrees, and lets it be known that fashion designers like Matthew Gallagher are all part of her inner circle. She seems to be tightly wound, which could make for some interesting television if she loses control, or the approval of everyone.
5. While Roxy and Kara are pals, the trio of Jana Webb, Gregoriane (Grego) Minot and Joan Kelley Walker are also their own squad. The ladies are seen sipping wine while celebrating Joan’s birthday and it’s quite obvious that these three are going to be entertaining to watch.
6. Gregorian, a French-Canadian child actress, is a stay-at-home mom who loves to party, Jana is a single mother who services professional athletes in the NBA, NHL and NFL as part of her Joga company (yoga for jocks), and Joan is the housewife that can’t get enough bubble baths or properties across North America, yet she’s quick to remind that she came from small-town Saskatchewan.
7. As mentioned above, a procedure party is being organized and it just so happens that all the women are invited although they all don’t know each other. Kara, however, does know Dr. Mulholland, who was behind her “face hickey of 2002,” referring to a treatment she received 15 years prior, one that had her cheek looking like a purple hickey, apparently.
8. If you’re someone not into needles then attending a procedure party is anything but a party. Held inside the SoHo Metropolitan Hotel, Ann invites the ladies to watch her husband pinch, tuck, break and nudge a woman’s face, basically performing an instant rhinoplasty complete with crackling sound effects. Each woman is seen gasping and cringing (especially Grego) with champagne in their hands as they watch, trying to drink away the weirdness being witnessed. Luckily, it doesn’t seem to last too long and the party continues with more drinks and Grego dropping a glass, which ends up scraping Kara’s leg—oh the horror!
9. Early prediction: Grego is going to be a fun shit-disturber and since her husband is the president of the members-only Spoke Club, we can probably expect a lot of exclusive parties to be part of Grego’s everyday.
While episode one was slow moving, we did get a peek into the lives of these six, sassy women. Let’s just hope when next week comes around there will be juicer entertainment than that of a party surrounded around needles.
Photos courtesy of Corus