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Questions Beauty and the Beast Better Answer

Written by Anne T. Donahue

I’m going to be honest: I’m probably not going to see the new Beauty and the Beast. And honestly, it is 100% because I’m not fun. That’s really why: I don’t care, and I’m not fun. It’s that simple! My Beauty and the Beast memories will live and die with the 1991 version that absolutely scarred me for life (remember when Gaston stabs the animal-man in the children’s movie?) and that’s fine, and I’m okay with this, but I know all of you are very psyched about BATB 2.0 so, with that in mind, I have some questions.

The first: are you mad at me about not wanting to see Beauty and the Beast?

The second: see below.

  • Do you think the townspeople actually liked Belle? I wouldn’t, TBH, because I have been Belle and I was a real asshat to the people I grew up with for a while because I thought I was smarter and better than they were.
  • When the Beast turned into the Beast, he was a teen — do you think when he transforms back into A Dude it’s a Tom Hanks-in-Big situation? Like, how do you reconcile all of a sudden having the bod of a grown-ass man?
  • If a teacup or dish or whatever broke, did that person die?
  • How did they bury their dead? None of these objects have arms.
  • What about the objects that already existed? Did they achieve sentience?
  • Was there a rivalry between existing objects and the objects that developed their own train of thought?
  • Did the Beast really not know how to read as a teenager?
  • Who failed this man?
  • Where are his parents?
  • Where did his nanny go?
  • Honestly what would the Beast really have done if Belle left? He’d never hurt or killed anyone before, so like, would he all of a sudden escalate and go after her dad?
  • Was the whole town just totally chill about the Beast/castle situation until this moment?
  • Was it an open secret or a rumour or what was the deal?
  • Is everybody aware that the Beast is Krampus?
  • Do you think Belle knew the Beast was Krampus?
  • How did the Beast find pants and clothes that fit?
  • Do you think Belle had to reconcile the fact that who she was falling in love with was for sure a talking animal? Like I’m not being a mean person here, I am just saying that imagine your friend was like “I like this guy” and then busted out a picture of Krampus. That’s a real conversation for a real day.
  • Why didn’t Belle have any friends?
  • Why was Marie taking so long with the baguettes?
  • Why is Belle so dismissive of the citizens just trying their best?
  • Why is Gaston? Like, in general?
  • Am I a bad person because I would judge my friends for telling me they loved someone with horns and a tail?
  • Am I a bad person in general?
  • Where is Peabo Bryson?
  • Is Celine Dion reading this, do you think?

RIP those broken dishes.

http://29secrets.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/29s_beauty-and-the-beast-150x100.jpg Anne T. Donahue Pop Culture ,,,,

I’m going to be honest: I’m probably not going to see the new Beauty and the Beast. And honestly, it is 100% because I’m not fun. That’s really why: I don’t care, and I’m not fun. It’s that simple! My Beauty and the Beast memories will live and die with the 1991 version that absolutely scarred me for life (remember when Gaston stabs the animal-man in the children’s movie?) and that’s fine, and I’m okay with this, but I know all of you are very psyched about BATB 2.0 so, with that in mind, I have some questions.

The first: are you mad at me about not wanting to see Beauty and the Beast?

The second: see below.

  • Do you think the townspeople actually liked Belle? I wouldn’t, TBH, because I have been Belle and I was a real asshat to the people I grew up with for a while because I thought I was smarter and better than they were.
  • When the Beast turned into the Beast, he was a teen — do you think when he transforms back into A Dude it’s a Tom Hanks-in-Big situation? Like, how do you reconcile all of a sudden having the bod of a grown-ass man?
  • If a teacup or dish or whatever broke, did that person die?
  • How did they bury their dead? None of these objects have arms.
  • What about the objects that already existed? Did they achieve sentience?
  • Was there a rivalry between existing objects and the objects that developed their own train of thought?
  • Did the Beast really not know how to read as a teenager?
  • Who failed this man?
  • Where are his parents?
  • Where did his nanny go?
  • Honestly what would the Beast really have done if Belle left? He’d never hurt or killed anyone before, so like, would he all of a sudden escalate and go after her dad?
  • Was the whole town just totally chill about the Beast/castle situation until this moment?
  • Was it an open secret or a rumour or what was the deal?
  • Is everybody aware that the Beast is Krampus?
  • Do you think Belle knew the Beast was Krampus?
  • How did the Beast find pants and clothes that fit?
  • Do you think Belle had to reconcile the fact that who she was falling in love with was for sure a talking animal? Like I’m not being a mean person here, I am just saying that imagine your friend was like “I like this guy” and then busted out a picture of Krampus. That’s a real conversation for a real day.
  • Why didn’t Belle have any friends?
  • Why was Marie taking so long with the baguettes?
  • Why is Belle so dismissive of the citizens just trying their best?
  • Why is Gaston? Like, in general?
  • Am I a bad person because I would judge my friends for telling me they loved someone with horns and a tail?
  • Am I a bad person in general?
  • Where is Peabo Bryson?
  • Is Celine Dion reading this, do you think?

RIP those broken dishes.

annetdonahue@gmail.com Author Anne T. Donahue is a writer and person who lives just outside of Toronto and knows way too much about the Great British Bake Off. 29Secrets

About the author

Anne T. Donahue

Anne T. Donahue is a writer and person who lives just outside of Toronto and knows way too much about the Great British Bake Off.

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