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Here’s How We’re Feeling About Riverdale So Far

Written by Anne T. Donahue

Right! So tomorrow we’ll be gifted a new episode of Riverdale, which means we will have a slew of new questions to try and answer while shouting “BUT ARCHIE ISN’T EVEN THAT GOOD AT MUSIC” into the abyss.

So, as a Riverdale fan, I have some questions I’ll need answered before this season wraps up. (Does anybody know when it wraps up, BTW? Because I need it to continue. I just found out Missing Richard Simmons has only like, three episodes to go and I find that very unfair because I think podcasts and TV shows should go on forever, but maybe that’s just me, a person who constantly needs to be entertained.) Anyway! Here we go.

  • Someone stupid killed Jason, didn’t they?
  • Like we’re going to find out Moose did because he was jealous about football, aren’t we?
  • Is everyone else as in love with Jughead/Cole Sprouse as I am?
  • Can you please not answer the above question unless the answer is “yes”?
  • Are Archie’s friends and family terrible for not telling him his music is mediocre at best?
  • Why do so many of these high school teachers and adults care about school sports and variety shows?
  • Did you guys know that you couldn’t have paid me to care about either of those things in high school?
  • Did Archie really not know who Bob Dylan is?
  • Do you think Archie understood he’s the Yoko Ono?
  • Do you think Archie knows who The Beatles are?
  • Why have no one else at Riverdale High come to realize Archie is not cool even slightly?
  • Why was Josie’s Dad such a dick?
  • Why do any of these parents care so much about what their teens are doing?
  • This isn’t a question, but if I were in a band in high school, my parents would just be happy I wasn’t hanging out in the parking lot I always hung out in, back in 2002.
  • Anyway, are we ever going to see Veronica’s Dad?
  • Do we even really care about any parental storylines outside of Skeet Ulrich?
  • Is it okay to be still very attracted to Skeet Ulrich?
  • When will Betty realize her ponytail isn’t helping anybody?
  • Is Polly . . . okay? Like, I will say physically, emotionally and mentally because she had to know Jason died, right?
  • Are Betty’s parents really that bad or is her Mom just trying to escape the memories of her teen years spent in Twin Peaks?
  • Does Betty still love Archie or is that over?
  • Do we buy Betty and Jughead as a couple?
  • Is Jughead going to grow up and be awesome or will be tell women what they don’t “get” about Infinite Jest?
  • Why does no one have house parties in this town?
  • Why didn’t my hometown have a cool nighttime diner?
  • Do you think Archie’s Dad watched Beverly Hills: 90210?
  • Do you think Jughead’s Dad watched Scream?
  • Do you think Ms. Grundy will be arrested soon?
  • Why am I, a 31-year-old woman, so invested in a TV show about the lives of teenager?
  • Can you not answer that last one, please?
  • Can you just let me have this?
  • Thanks?

Thanks!

https://29secrets.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/RVD102A_0216b-150x100.jpg Anne T. Donahue Pop Culture ,,,,

Right! So tomorrow we’ll be gifted a new episode of Riverdale, which means we will have a slew of new questions to try and answer while shouting “BUT ARCHIE ISN’T EVEN THAT GOOD AT MUSIC” into the abyss.

So, as a Riverdale fan, I have some questions I’ll need answered before this season wraps up. (Does anybody know when it wraps up, BTW? Because I need it to continue. I just found out Missing Richard Simmons has only like, three episodes to go and I find that very unfair because I think podcasts and TV shows should go on forever, but maybe that’s just me, a person who constantly needs to be entertained.) Anyway! Here we go.

  • Someone stupid killed Jason, didn’t they?
  • Like we’re going to find out Moose did because he was jealous about football, aren’t we?
  • Is everyone else as in love with Jughead/Cole Sprouse as I am?
  • Can you please not answer the above question unless the answer is “yes”?
  • Are Archie’s friends and family terrible for not telling him his music is mediocre at best?
  • Why do so many of these high school teachers and adults care about school sports and variety shows?
  • Did you guys know that you couldn’t have paid me to care about either of those things in high school?
  • Did Archie really not know who Bob Dylan is?
  • Do you think Archie understood he’s the Yoko Ono?
  • Do you think Archie knows who The Beatles are?
  • Why have no one else at Riverdale High come to realize Archie is not cool even slightly?
  • Why was Josie’s Dad such a dick?
  • Why do any of these parents care so much about what their teens are doing?
  • This isn’t a question, but if I were in a band in high school, my parents would just be happy I wasn’t hanging out in the parking lot I always hung out in, back in 2002.
  • Anyway, are we ever going to see Veronica’s Dad?
  • Do we even really care about any parental storylines outside of Skeet Ulrich?
  • Is it okay to be still very attracted to Skeet Ulrich?
  • When will Betty realize her ponytail isn’t helping anybody?
  • Is Polly . . . okay? Like, I will say physically, emotionally and mentally because she had to know Jason died, right?
  • Are Betty’s parents really that bad or is her Mom just trying to escape the memories of her teen years spent in Twin Peaks?
  • Does Betty still love Archie or is that over?
  • Do we buy Betty and Jughead as a couple?
  • Is Jughead going to grow up and be awesome or will be tell women what they don’t “get” about Infinite Jest?
  • Why does no one have house parties in this town?
  • Why didn’t my hometown have a cool nighttime diner?
  • Do you think Archie’s Dad watched Beverly Hills: 90210?
  • Do you think Jughead’s Dad watched Scream?
  • Do you think Ms. Grundy will be arrested soon?
  • Why am I, a 31-year-old woman, so invested in a TV show about the lives of teenager?
  • Can you not answer that last one, please?
  • Can you just let me have this?
  • Thanks?

Thanks!

annetdonahue@gmail.com Author Anne T. Donahue is a writer and person who lives just outside of Toronto and knows way too much about the Great British Bake Off. 29Secrets

About the author

Anne T. Donahue

Anne T. Donahue is a writer and person who lives just outside of Toronto and knows way too much about the Great British Bake Off.

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