Did you guys watch the People’s Choice Awards? I did, only in my heart, because I spent the evening eating borscht at a deli with one of my best pals, but wow: what a show, right?
To start, let’s see who won what, because I’m all about efficiency on this, the first Thursday of 2016.
Favourite movie: Furious 7
Favourite movie actor: Channing Tatum
Favourite movie actress: Sandra Bullock
Favourite action movie: Furious 7
Favourite action movie actor: Chris Hemsworth
Favourite action movie actress: Shailene Woodley
Favourite animated movie voice: Selena Gomez
Favourite comedic movie: Pitch Perfect 2
Favourite comedic movie actor: Kevin Hart
Favourite comedic movie actress: Melissa McCarthy
Favourite dramatic movie: The Martian
Favourite dramatic movie actor: Johnny Depp
Favourite dramatic movie actress: Dakota Fanning
Favourite family movie: Minions
Favourite thriller movie: Taken 3
But wait! There’s more:
Favourite TV show: The Big Bang Theory
Favourite network TV comedy: The Big Bang Theory
Favourite comedic TV actor: Jim Parsons
Favourite comedic TV actor: Melissa McCarthy
Favourite network TV drama: Grey’s Anatomy
Favourite dramatic TV actor: Taylor Kinney
Favourite dramatic TV actress: Ellen Pompeo
Favourite cable TV comedy: It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia
Favourite cable TV drama: Pretty Little Liars
Favourite cable TV actor: Kevin Hart
Favourite cable TV actress: Sasha Alexander
Favourite premium cable TV show: Homeland
Favourite premium cable TV actor: Dwayne Johnson
Favourite premium cable TV actress: Kristen Bell
Favourite TV crime drama: Person of Interest
Favourite TV crime drama actor: Nathan Fillion
Favourite TV crime drama actress: Stana Katic
Favourite network TV sci-fi/fantasy show: Beauty and the Beast
Favourite cable TV sci-fi/fantasy show: Outlander
Favourite sci-fi/fantasy TV actor: Jensen Ackles
Favourite sci-fi/fantasy TV actress: Caitriona Balfe
Favourite competition TV show: The Voice
You guys done yet? Or are you thirsty for more? (Spoiler alert: you are thirsty for me. We’ve committed to this now, and so help me GOD we are going to finish it.)
Favourite daytime TV host: Ellen Degeneres
Favourite daytime TV hosting team: The Talk
Favourite late night talk show host: Jimmy Fallon
Favourite streaming series: Orange is the New Black
Favourite actor in a new TV series: John Stamos
Yes, that was actually a category. And so is this:
Favourite actress in a new TV series: Priyanka Chopra
Favourite animated TV show: The Simpsons
Favourite new TV comedy: Scream Queens
Favourite new TV drama: Supergirl
Oh, you think we’re done? You think I’m about to bring you this far without driving us home? Big mistake. Big mistake! Huge. Huge!
Favourite male artist: Ed Sheeran
Favourite female artist: Taylor Swift
Favourite group: Fifth Harmony
Favourite breakout artist: Shawn Mendes
Favourite male country artist: Blake Shelton
Favourite female country artist: Carrie Underwood
Favourite country group: Lady Antebellum
Favourite pop artist: Taylor Swift
Favourite hip-hop artist: Nicki Minaj
Favourite R&B artist: The Weeknd
Favourite album: Title by Meghan Trainor
Favourite song: “What Do You Mean?” by Justin Bieber
Favourite music icon: Madonna
And that’s it! JUST KIDDING, nope. There’s still more. That’s right. This, friends, is the longest awards show in the history of time and space and the most surprising thing about all of it is that I would’ve chosen different people to win these awards. Also surprising: that we have another category to cover, help us everyone.
Favourite social media celebrity: Britney Spears
Favourite social media celebrity: Matt Bellassai
Favourite mobile game: Candy Crush Saga (like, who accepted this?)
Favourite video game: Super Smash Bros.
Favourite YouTube star: Connor Franta
The DailyMail.com Seriously Popular award: Maddie Ziegler
So we did it. We’ve finished. We’ve gone through all the winers, and now we can all go about our days in newer, more exciting ways; pretending that we all like The Big Bang Theory and that we would in no way go, “What?!” if we’d been at the awards themselves, watching all this happen.
Also, Leslie Mann accidentally unzipped Dakota Johnson’s dress when presenting her with an award, but nothing happened, even though the Internet is for sure acting like it did. (Dakota: “Well, it’s not like nobody here already hasn’t seen my boobs.”) (She kind of rules, right?)
Now I’ll see you guys on the Internet Sunday night to watch the Globes, duh!
